Interesting Conversation

Met R for lunch today.

Our conversation can range from something small and frivolous to something that matters and is kept deep within our hearts.

Interestingly, we talked about dreams, thoughts, senses and their relationships with intuitive analogies. Do we even know if these so call intuitive perceptions or words speak truth in the first place?

I for one do not know for sure. However, some of the things that I experienced in reality did baffle me.

Guess she is right. Just be aware and manage the flow...The answers may just come forth in a clear way.

We shall see.

A Daughter's Ode To Mum....

Each Precious Moment...

Mum

It may be just a three letter word

But it means so much to me

Mum I do miss you so

Your serene face

Your beautiful toothy smile

Your button nose

Your twinkling little eyes

Your long flowing white hair . . .

Mum I often wonder

How you manage

To overcome all huddles

That block your path

Your serene face

Gives me no clue

Mum I wonder

Despite all odds

You can still continue to smile

That wide toothy smile

Reflecting….

Your motherly love

Your kindness

Your patience

The beautiful smile that lights up our life

Mum I miss the touch of your silky hair

I will always remember the wonderful time shampooing your hair

And massaging your scalp with conditioner . . .

Your sigh of contentment mingle with hearty laughter as water gets into your eyes simply makes my day

Mum I miss the look of enjoyment on your face

When I blow your long silky hair dry after a good wash

Your eyes are close

The humming of the hair dryer

The lightness of your head

Makes you drowsy and slowly, slowly you will just nod off into your dreamland

Mum I miss the time we spend in the bathroom

Giving you a good bath

Spraying water on your face

Rinsing your mouth

Cleaning the remaining two front teeth

Giving you a good scrub on your back

Washing your feet

Drying you with towels

Splashing you with lots of powder

Oh .... how heavenly you smell

Mum I miss the delight in your eyes

Whenever you see me

Visiting you

“Wu mee jia bear?” you always ask

“Wu, chin toi !” I will answer enthusiastically

Munch munch munch

“Hor leow... ah ma par leow”

Sigh.… Mum…Bits of food you consume is simply too little for comfort..

Mum I miss the hello in your voice

When my mobile rings

How glad I am

To receive your call everyday

Oh …. What a good break on a boring day

Mum I miss your sound of wind

When I massage the right hidden spots

On your legs

On your hands

Under your armpits

On your stomach

On your shoulders

On your neck

And on your head

Using my finger tips to tok tok tok

To remove the tension

That causes the headache

You would sigh and

Exclaim how lucky you are

To have Ah Chin and me

Mum I miss the time I spend by your bed

Telling you about Buddha and the Dhamma

“Bor Lan ah, ah ma bor it lit, Mee toh bor it leow leow, Tie tok hor leh”

“Bor kia, bor kia, ah ma wu tim, Ah Neo tie”

Then I would chant

Then you would calm down

Then you would doze off peacefully

Mum I miss the time I spend by your bed

Looking at your dreamy face

While massaging your hands

Listening to the stories of your past

As you try to recall a terrified past

For you to know that you were engaged

At a tender age of 16+

To one whom you never know

To leave your kind parents

Whom you cherished

Loved deeply and cared

A past – married to dad who was really filial

To his parents

Who would do no wrong

Whom he would protect

With all his might

Nobody could say anything bad about them

And he listened to no one

Where his parents was concerned

A past – married to dad

Whose filial piety took precedence

It was a good value

But you had suffered

Because of it

A past – married to dad

Grandma was supposed to be happy

To have a new daughter-in-law

But she was a controller

And a tale carrier

A past – where you had suffered

The body pains

When dad hit you with wooden pole

When he heard grandma said

You were with a man

And not working the fields

Dad never apologize

When he realized his mistake

A past – how you had suffered

For a living

Making joss sticks

Bundle after bundle and yet

Grandma had more to complain

And dad had more to take it out on you

A past – until one day

You could take it no more

You went to your dad

Who refused to let you return

To a home that had no love

A past – where dad pleaded with your dad

For your return

Only when dad promised to hurt you no more

That your dad relented

And persuaded you

Let bygones be bygones

A past – how you had suffered

During the Japanese Occupation

You ran endlessly

Just to hide from them

Through rivers and hills

A past – where you were left alone

When dad had to flee hometown

On a rickety boat

To the unknown South

To seek a future

Oh mum..

With you in the north

And dad in the south

Only communication available

Was news through grandma’s mouth

But mum how blessed you were

Finding that White Figure

Always up there in the sky

Always by your side

When you suffered

Mum how blessed you were

Knowing that White Figure

Was none other than Goddess of Mercy

Staying by you

Through thick and thin of life

Mum how blessed you were

To have Goddess of Mercy and Buddha

By your side

When dad called it a day

And you had five small kids to raise with no finance and help in sight

Mum how blessed you were

To have Goddess of Mercy and Buddha

By your side

To listen to your worries

To listen to your sorrows

To listen to your complaints

To listen to your doubts

To soothe and guide you to overcome these

Mum how blessed you were

To have Goddess of Mercy and Buddha

By your side

When life dealt you with blows after blows

Naughty children

Unfriendly, unruly neighbours

Greedy “ta mei kong”

But with them

You tackled these confidently

Mum your life was blessed

With Goddess of Mercy and Buddha

A legacy you left us

Which we promise

To continue to respect

To follow the path

And to find the ultimate truth

Mum I miss the happy moments when you laugh

At my silly jokes

When I ridicule Meng

When I play cards with you

When your version of the sitcoms

Clashes with mine

Mum I miss the pleasant moments

When I hold you to do gentle walk in the house

To make up for the exercise you need

Only to stop after two laps

“Hor la, ah ma bor lard leow.”

I would tickle you then because of your laziness

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha … you would laugh

But I know, mum, you are not lazy, just tired

Mum I miss the happy moments

When ah Chin and I would fight

To see who kisses you more

On the cheeks

On the forehead

On the nose

On the eyes

On your necks

Hee hee hee hee hee … you would giggle

For you love the kisses from us all

Mum I miss the time I push you in your wheelchair

To Hort Park with your daughters, niece and grand niece

You are delighted and appreciate with glee

When you see beautiful flowers and the big healthy trees

Though the visit is brief

You are happy

Mum I miss the time I push you in your wheelchair

To East Coast Park

Treading the path while telling you to

Look at the sea

Look at the ships

Look at the skaters

Look at the cyclists

Look at the runners

Look at the walkers

Look at the BBQ-ers

Look at the campers

And look at those dogs !!!

Mum I miss the time I push you in your wheelchair

To see Dr Ng Li Ling for routine checks

You are reluctant at first

And then you oblige

Using my thighs to help you up the stairs

We are finally there

Sitting along the corridor

While waiting for your turn

Talking to you

Feeding you

Each time Dr Ng asks you

“Wah chin hor” you would say

“Yee kong mee” you would ask

“Thank you” you would end

And off we go

Mum I miss the time I push you in your wheelchair

To my C&P office

Up we go

Riding the lifts

Opening the glass doors

You make your famous wave

And your beautiful, radiant and compassionate smile

To all my staff who are awed by you

Mum I miss the time I push you in your wheelchair

To Serangoon Broadway for photo takes

We want you to be proud of us graduates

We want you to be part of our success

We want you to remain in our hearts always

Mum I miss the time I spend

Nursing you back to health

When you remove the cataracts

When you fall

When you cough

When you are running a fever

When your stomach cramps

When you are in hospital

Mum I am so sad and my heart aches

When I see you suffer

Because of a fall

Because of the wind

Because of poor health

Because of us, children

Mum I miss your motherly love

When you worry about ah Chin’s health

When you worry about ah Chin’s marriage

When you worry about ah Chin’s disappointment for not having a kid

When you worry about ah Heng’s liver

When you worry about ah Meng’s future

When you worry about ah Leng’s parents-in-law

When you worry about Mau Jia’s health

When you worry about your grandchildren

When you worry about my old age

“Ah nee ahh, lu some jia tie bor. Bor, lu kow lau leow, lu chew tie kang koh la”

Mum I must confess

I do lie to you during your last leg in this world

So as not to worry you

I know you will forgive me

For I have no intention to cause harm or hurt

It is just LOVE, mum, I love you so ….

Mum we are glad

We walk the Buddhist path as per your advice

We complete your wishes as per your requests

We promise to carry on your legacy

Mum I must learn from you

Your magnanimity

In forgiving us, your children over and over again

For all the wrongs we have done to you

For our imperfections as children

Mum I must emulate you

My role model

For your generosity

For your patience

For your faith

For your humility

For your magnanimity

For your thriftiness

For your bountiful love

For your peaceful ways

Mum I don’t regret

You leaving us at this time to a better realm

It’s not too early

It’s not too late

Just in time as your body’s battery has gone flat

We have used the time we have together very wisely

Mum,

I love you

So much

Before

Now

And Forever....

Your loving daughter ..... Lan..

Mum's Hundred Day's Rite...

This is long delayed post but the memory of which etched very deeply in mind.

On 20 August 09, the family gathered at mum's place and temple for offering of prayers. Energy and thoughts were channeled towards mum in a good and happy realm.

And it was this special day that brought us to Sri Lanka to conduct the rites for mum in Theravada tradition.

Bhante Indasara is a compassionate and learned teacher. He brought us to an ancient holy temple Kelaniya for the rites. The spot on which this temple stands was exactly where Buddha visited the third time round with 500 Arahants during the Buddha era 2531. The temple exudes an elegant magnificence with positive and calming energy. The mural arts within the prayer hall was life-like with intricate details and colours.

The temple abbot Bhante Mahinda is an equally learned and compassionate senior monk. He readily shared Dharma views with us in his inner chambers.

The rites were simple yet encompassing - covering the holy ground - from Bo tree, stupa to the prayer hall and inner chamber. The whole ceremony was carried out in a calm, mindful and elegant manner. The emotions were overwhelming but positively fullfilling.

Thanks to the kindness of Bhantes that we were able to conduct such beautiful rites for mum..

We are blessed.

Sunday Morning...

It's a beautiful day today. And I woke up feeling every bone, every muscle, every vein within my body crying out loud to be massaged to get the blood start flowing a little...

I managed to do some simple stretching exercises for 30 minutes and that helped to keep my mind clear a tiny bit..

Ah.. health hasn't been the best of condition for years and it remains pretty much so..

But this is my body. Just gotta accept and take good care of it..

Maybe I should just stop by the beach for a gentle stroll.. Maybe..

Guilty As Charged...

Today's paper revealed that Ming Yi received a guilty verdict by the Judge for his previous acts as the Head of RenCi.

My friend mentioned that possibly it was because that Ming Yi was surrounded by ill-fitted advisors that eventually caused his downfall. Was that truly the case I wonder..

It probably is even tougher to practice as a monk but the fact that he renounced the worldly affairs means he wanted that blessed opportunity to pursue the path including ethical practice with right focus and energy. He is no longer a novice but a very experienced spiritual leader. To say he probably got diverted because of a group of advisors is lame. in fact, his responses during the trial were even laughable and ludicrous at times, not to mention contradictory.

Practicing lay buddhists and monks are concerned about cultivating and lifting the mind.

And we learn that basic cause of human suffering is greed, ill will or hatred and ignorance. These fundamental negative traits are the source of our unquenchable thirst for possessions, all of our illusions, unhappiness, unsatisfactoriness and desires. Simply because we make unskillful decisions and act unethically for self-serving and even dishonest intentions.

If one simply remains kind, loving and mindful ( which he does as evidenced by the fund raising acts and setting up the hospital for the poor and aged), one may probably still not be equipping oneself with the knowledge and expertise to uproot and remove these unfavourable tendencies ( as evidenced by his lavish lifestyle and management over the funds and his aide).

Surely, one needs to cultivate other positive values and behaviour. Meditation aside, wisdom, compassion, generosity and loving kindness can be cultivated through continuous learning and practice. When we develop these qualities and applying them in our lives, we will slowly wear away the negative stubborn habitual behaviors. With a kind loving heart and capacity to let go, we become freer, lighter, more peaceful, clear-headed and happier.

Did he learn, follow and practice the path? Only he knows.

I am but a lay person. I have even more gaps and lows. But with WY, like-minded friends, teachers, Dharma books... I am blessed to be able to learn and practice.

What the future holds, I have no idea and have no intention to know as it doesn't matter. What matters is this moment and what I do with it.

Arduous road of practice? Perhaps. But will stay focused.

Botanic Garden

I try to visit this place every Saturday morning
To breathe in the fresh air
To take in the natural beauty
To soak in the activities that go on at different spots
And to catch up with WY on matters

Of course we talk quite a fair bit whenever we manage to find time together
And it never cease to amaze me that till today
We are still able to share about anything under the sun

It feels comforting to be able to connect and love someone so dear
And it is even more comforting to have this reciprocated in the same, if not more manner..

This blessing is hard to come by for sure
And will be cherished wholeheartedly without doubt..

My Dear Friend...

I have known her for ages
She was and still is a lovely and carefree lady
Back then, she was looking forward to a life with the one she loved
But life was not what she planned to be
It was tumultuous, disappointing, hurting and at times utter despair
But she persevered
Her bundle of joy was indeed a blessing
Bringing her hope and laughter

Now she is alone
Yet so not alone
She is constantly in physical pain
Yet so not emotionally
She understands her lows and gaps
Yet will find ways to manage them
She is getting old with years (as she always claims)
Yet her lighthearted outlook and laughter remain

R, my friend, my sister
Good to have known you
There is not much to say
Just simply
I wish you well
And I wish you love and joy
Always..