关系。。。。

人与人之间的关系永远是那么的令人费解...

A person's rationale governs his behaviour, speech and action. When the emotional element comes into picture, all these deliverables become affected. What more when other factors such as environment, peer influence, expectations and more come into picture?

And one's connection with another very often becomes a journey for the parties involved. The possibilities for growth together are limitless, if only the karmic force is nurturing and that there is openness and trust.

I don't think a relationship is about trying to change the other person. After all, we all have our own set of habits, beliefs, emotions and reactions that may or may not serve our lives and our growth well for a start.

But very often, it's only when one party mirrors the hidden belief systems and emotions on the outside then the recipient realize the impact and truth, be it positive or negative.

As we see these, we can either brush aside all or have a choice to look hard within. It is good to let go of our own belief systems and see things objectively and rationally, and start looking at filling the gaps if any. Then perhaps, this is our opportunity for a real change and freedom and a bond can also be formed - with a new understanding of love and a connection that is made on the level of the deepest sort.

But honestly, how many of us really put our hearts into such? It's all about self needs, wants and expectations anyways..

Struggle

Looking at mum's frail and almost lifeless body, I feel nothing but immense pain coursing through my heart and numbing my brain.. Tears are controlled so as not to stress her further.

Trying level best to let go and be prepared for her new journey, if it happens, turns out to be a daily battle. I love her to bits but her debilitating health has taken its toll on her mental and emotional well being as well as her care givers.

I feel tons of guilt whenever I feel that perhaps it is better for her to move on to another realm with GOM. I feel tons of guilt whenever I am not with her when she is in pain. I feel tons of guilt whenever I am so tired and I just want to rest a little. I feel tons of guilt when I see the way Alice takes care of mum and I seem to be so helpless. I feel tons of guilt whenever I don't know what to do with caring mum.

It is a huge struggle for me and I am still having trouble managing it.

If only I have the wisdom and mindful strength to do what needs to be done. If only...

Attachment

There is a kind of monkey trap used in Asia. A coconut is hollowed out and attached by a rope to a tree or stake in the ground. At the bottom of the coconut a small slit is made and some sweet food is placed inside. The hole on the bottom of the coconut is just big enough for the monkey to slide in his open hand, but does not allow for a closed fist to pass out. The monkey smells the sweets, reaches in with his hand to grasp the food and is then unable to withdraw.

The clenched fists won't pass through the opening. When the hunter comes, the monkey becomes frantic but cannot get away. There is no one keeping the monkey captive, except the force of its own attachment. All that it has to do is to open the hand. But so strong is the force of greed in the mind that it is a rare monkey which can let go.

It is the desires and clinging in our minds which keep us trapped. All we need to do is to open our hands, let go of our selves, our attachment, and be free.

The Walk

Working in Suntec tower 4 gives me the opportunity to exercise my limbs everyday from city hall mrt station.

The walk can be as long as 20 minutes depending on one's speed and if one is carrying any other load like laptop. I was a reluctant participant initially, complaining about the distance tiring me out even before the day has begun.

But the unhappiness won't go away just because I dislike the walk. This is a necessity if I wish to report to work everyday.

So I decided to slow down a little and started to enjoy every single moment that I get to experience as I ply through the walkways. The moment of noticing what other people are busying with, the changing window displays, the little patches of landscape that brings warmth to the concrete and more...

The observation may not bring on any emotions or contemplation - as I simply notice and let go. But the experience does give me varying and interesting insights about things and people everyday.

I am now more mindful. Yet I feel calmness. The same walk, different mindset, different impact to one's well being...

Seemingly endless road...................

Thinking is difficult.

But is doing really that easy?

This is but a journey to nowhere - an endless road that is filled with lots of turns and signages but leading nowhere...