Gao Heng

Gao Heng.. is the name my family, more like my mum, gave to the little black glossy hair puppy that came into our home in Paya Lebar many years back.

Mum didn't want to keep him at the beginning because it was already tough feeding the kids. After failing to send him away for 3 rounds and each time, he would come back standing at the door sounding and looking forlorn at mum. I guess this softened mum's heart and decided to take him in.

He was full of energy and very friendly with family. As he grew into a full grown adult, he would spend time playing with the kids and mum's friends. Most importantly, he would stay with mum at her every waking moments,, including those early hours where she conducted her prayers and chanting. He would silently sat beside her and listen in to her every word.. to the God. Should there be any slight unfamiliar sound or movement in the background, he would immediately stand guarded, growled fiercely and tried to protect mum.

He was a much loved companion. We had to leave him with a neighbour when we moved to Tampines. His sorrowful cries and refusal to eat hurt our hearts endlessly.

After so many years.. he must be somewhere good... Mum is no longer with us and today.. I remember him.

Thank you Gao Heng, for bringing so much joy and love to our family and especially.. for protecting mum..

2nd Anniversary

Mum's passing has left an indelible mark.

The lunar month of April and day 19th saw us conducting the rites to remember her by and to send good sincere thoughts and well wishes for a good rebirth with great opportunity to continue with her practice as a Buddhist.

Saw this lyrics and thought it apt to share on the day I remember mum-

May It Be by Enya

May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh, how far you are from home

Mornie utúlië (darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantië (darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

May it be shadows call
Will fly away
May it be your journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun

Mornie utúlië (darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantië (darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

A promise lives within you now

Silence..

WY raised a question about himself this afternoon - why doesn't he talk to people very readily?

Come to think of it, I have been sporadically asking myself somewhat a similar yet different question - why have I increasingly maintaining my silence and not talk to any people readily?

Is this silence the same as the one most of us have experienced or know of as absence of words or simple cut off from noise? During such times, is my mind uniquely still or unquiet - one that is filled with words and noise, ideas, questions, desires, doubts, and conflicts.

If this is so, which sometimes is the case, then my silence is only on the surface and there is calamity inside. When I experience such silence, I can easily be tilted by the least external noise. Instead of resulting in peace, this forced stillness may very well get me into annoyance and irritation.

Meditate to assist with my erratic state is of utmost importance and surely I look forward to have silence that is natural and spontaneous and it should well up from the depths within me and overflows with a consistently positive rhythm and harmony.

Now is the moment to revisit it. And I shall.

Attached link is an interesting write-up by Ajahn Sumedho and is here to help me to refresh and learn as I pave my way with baby steps -

http://www.4ui.com/eart/188eart1.htm

On This Day.. I Remember YOU..

Lunar Year of the Rabbit, 3rd month seventh day... my mum was born.

Today, good thoughts and chanting were sent to her.. I miss you mummy..

May you follow the wise, the intelligent and the awakened and live by the Truth to be free from fear and suffering...

May you achieve the sweetness of stillness, peace and calmness as you move onward, never looking back..

Happy Birthday.... I love YOU.. Always..

Your loving daughter
Chin

The Challenge To Change Myself.

Many a times, I hear people moaning about being helpless and powerless to challenge the way things are. And unfortunately I belong to this group too, though in reality, I have been and am still actuley aware that while big and small siuations can be difficult to confront and overcome, we are always able to change ourselves in the face of all these.

I would love things and people around me to be better and to be in a way I want them to be. And very often, it can also be so difficult to go easy (not to mention let go) on the things in life I covet. Truth is, I cannot expect things and people to change. Cos they usually wont. And such situations can be demoralising or even depressing at times.

But life in itself is filled with opportunitites to make small changes that make a big difference, in my life and the lives of others. So, I can at least look at myself and see how changing the way I view and do things and the little ways that I can do to make that difference... to my life, which incidentally is so intricately intertwined with the people I love...

I plan to first take a bit of a break from work and have some time to myself. My goal is simple - breathe, live, love, and learn.

Top things I wish to try ( no specific order ) -

1 Get more exercise and be physically fit ( this is not about going to the gym, it means taking a walk in the park or beach or even... riding a bicycle.)

2 Meditate and be mentally, emotionally aware ( this is not about retreat, it means taking that moment, however short it is, to slow down and be aware of the breath, of the surrounding)

3 Learn culinary skills (this is not about attending classes, it means preparing new recipes and loving breakfast or dinners for my loved ones)

4 Learn effective public speaking ( this is not about work, it means the readiness to engaging people from all walks of life at any point in time)

5 Learn basic colour scheme and make up (heh heh heh... this is about me wanting to learn how to present myself)

6 Be more loving (this is not about loving my hubby and sista, it means the readiness to extend the emphaty and loving kindness to people around us in general)

7 Go easy on myself and people around me ( I worry and fear of things and people too frequently and I end up not being the most agreeable person at the end of the day. This is about learning to let things be and really, I don’t have to live through the insanity do I?)

Now... a simple goal and detailed index card in place.

I just need to be steadily aware of these and start doing them starting May/June! Yay!!