Very soon, we will face a brand new year.
Time moves the way it used to move, not much faster nor slower. But the mindset has changed - affecting how one views time and the value it presents. Does one relish every single moment with zest or wasting it away like water dripping non stop from a tap?
This year has been exceptionally fast. I have sunk myself deep and hard into work after mum's passing without giving thought to a lot of things that matter.
Physically and mentally, I suffered because of the relentless push I have subjected myself to...
I miss her dearly and I believe I will continue to be so. I love her so much and again, I will remain very much so.
This will not change.
My life needs to change. My perspective and focus needs to change.
A brand new year.
A brand new me with renewed energy and positivity.
Wednesday, 30 December 2009
Friday, 25 December 2009
A different X'mas
We celebrated X'mas a little differently yesterday.
We hauled the whole family including the little brood of children to East Coast Lagoon for a solid 2-3 hour session of wakeboarding. They were clueless on this sport and WY plus the on site staff gave them proper guidance.
It was hilarious and fun to see all of them trying out the new stint. No smooth ride at the start but with practice, they grew to enjoy it. Their hearty laughter and constant cajoling of one another to try another round was a heart-warming sight. WY plans to make this a regular event at the wakeboard venue and he specifically mentions that we must include our dear friend's son R next time round. Yes, definitely we must rope them in at the next outing. Soon.
At one point as I gazed at my family, mum came into mind and I somewhat felt comforted that we stayed connected and more loving than before. I am sure mum is smiling with love from where she is.
The session ended with a seafood dinner at Jumbo. All 16 of us at one table sharing and eating our hearts out. No less.
We hauled the whole family including the little brood of children to East Coast Lagoon for a solid 2-3 hour session of wakeboarding. They were clueless on this sport and WY plus the on site staff gave them proper guidance.
It was hilarious and fun to see all of them trying out the new stint. No smooth ride at the start but with practice, they grew to enjoy it. Their hearty laughter and constant cajoling of one another to try another round was a heart-warming sight. WY plans to make this a regular event at the wakeboard venue and he specifically mentions that we must include our dear friend's son R next time round. Yes, definitely we must rope them in at the next outing. Soon.
At one point as I gazed at my family, mum came into mind and I somewhat felt comforted that we stayed connected and more loving than before. I am sure mum is smiling with love from where she is.
The session ended with a seafood dinner at Jumbo. All 16 of us at one table sharing and eating our hearts out. No less.
Sunday, 20 December 2009
Parents and Children
I had lunch with a friend KYK on Friday. He seems to have aged a little since we last met.
He spoke about his kids naturally. I remembered his kids to be cheery, obedient and bright. It is a little disconerting that they have turn up to be otherwise, especially the boy.
The sad part is, my friend had slapped his son in a recent confrontation. This incident brought back the recent memory of my dear girl friend LKL- who also shared with me about her increasing tension with her teenaged son and similarly, she had slapped and pinched her son in her fit of disappointment and anger.
Back home, my nieces and nephews remain a constant challenge to my siblings as well.
It is always said that children are angels given to one from God or they are bundles/miracles of joy for parents.
But are they really? Everyone says 养儿一百岁，常忧九十九。。
Whether children are blessings depend on tons of factors - karma, parents' maturity and outlook in bringing up the children, environment, peer influences, school influences, internet influences and the list goes on.
Parents, good or bad, believe in giving their children the best possible love, guidance and environment. This is generally true though the application of such love and guidance may not be communicated in a way that is receptive to the children.
And there is always this gap where the children are often not appreciative, self-centred and think the worst of their parents.
Such gaps can result in a host of unhappy relationships as children grow..
The issues are much more diversified for sure but I have no insights. But the reality of increasing deterioration of human relationships, starting from home, is saddening indeed....
He spoke about his kids naturally. I remembered his kids to be cheery, obedient and bright. It is a little disconerting that they have turn up to be otherwise, especially the boy.
The sad part is, my friend had slapped his son in a recent confrontation. This incident brought back the recent memory of my dear girl friend LKL- who also shared with me about her increasing tension with her teenaged son and similarly, she had slapped and pinched her son in her fit of disappointment and anger.
Back home, my nieces and nephews remain a constant challenge to my siblings as well.
It is always said that children are angels given to one from God or they are bundles/miracles of joy for parents.
But are they really? Everyone says 养儿一百岁，常忧九十九。。
Whether children are blessings depend on tons of factors - karma, parents' maturity and outlook in bringing up the children, environment, peer influences, school influences, internet influences and the list goes on.
Parents, good or bad, believe in giving their children the best possible love, guidance and environment. This is generally true though the application of such love and guidance may not be communicated in a way that is receptive to the children.
And there is always this gap where the children are often not appreciative, self-centred and think the worst of their parents.
Such gaps can result in a host of unhappy relationships as children grow..
The issues are much more diversified for sure but I have no insights. But the reality of increasing deterioration of human relationships, starting from home, is saddening indeed....
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
A Day To Give Thanks
It's a special day today
Mum gave life to me
This is a great blessing
She is no longer here on this earth physically
But she has left me a legacy of love, devotion, and good values to last me a lifetime and beyond
This is a blessing
My family of sister and brothers,
Who stay close knitted despite all the ups and down
Always reaching out for each other when needed
This is a blessing
My husband WY
Who loves and cares for my physical, mental and emotional well-being
All the time
This is a blessing
I have friends, not many, but great ones
Who care and love me for what and who I am.
This is a blessing.
I have Dhamma teachers, brothers and sisters
Who practice and show the Path
This us a blessing
To be able to access, learn and practise the Triple Gem
This time
This is a blessing
I have much to be thankful for
This is the day to thank mum and all
For being in my life
In positive and nurturing way
I can only live life to the best of my knowledge
With compassion and wisely
So as to repay all the love and kindness
Especially from my mum and loved ones
Thank you once again
I love you all
Mum gave life to me
This is a great blessing
She is no longer here on this earth physically
But she has left me a legacy of love, devotion, and good values to last me a lifetime and beyond
This is a blessing
My family of sister and brothers,
Who stay close knitted despite all the ups and down
Always reaching out for each other when needed
This is a blessing
My husband WY
Who loves and cares for my physical, mental and emotional well-being
All the time
This is a blessing
I have friends, not many, but great ones
Who care and love me for what and who I am.
This is a blessing.
I have Dhamma teachers, brothers and sisters
Who practice and show the Path
This us a blessing
To be able to access, learn and practise the Triple Gem
This time
This is a blessing
I have much to be thankful for
This is the day to thank mum and all
For being in my life
In positive and nurturing way
I can only live life to the best of my knowledge
With compassion and wisely
So as to repay all the love and kindness
Especially from my mum and loved ones
Thank you once again
I love you all
Sunday, 13 December 2009
Kranji Countryside
WY wants me to relax in a natural environment, thus a night's stay at the Kranji Countryside Resort.
The ride on 12 Dec was fraught with uncertainty because we had never been there. True enough, we ended in Jurong instead of Kranji! Luckily, WY was able to find his way back without arduous effort.
Surprisingly, we noticed quite a fair bit of cars visiting this place as we rode in to check in. The check in was quite speedy and interestingly, it was done at the gate entrance itself.
There are not many units within the compound. They are compact, clean and equip with a queen sized bed, TV and basic utility.
There are quite a fair bit of places to visit during the stay - vegetable farm, aquarium, goat farm, ornamental fish farm, aeroponic farm, and more. I must say it was quite an interesting and eye-opening experience for a city dweller like me.
The food at the seafood restaurant is mediocre though.
Weekend getaway is just about right to visit this place.
The ride on 12 Dec was fraught with uncertainty because we had never been there. True enough, we ended in Jurong instead of Kranji! Luckily, WY was able to find his way back without arduous effort.
Surprisingly, we noticed quite a fair bit of cars visiting this place as we rode in to check in. The check in was quite speedy and interestingly, it was done at the gate entrance itself.
There are not many units within the compound. They are compact, clean and equip with a queen sized bed, TV and basic utility.
There are quite a fair bit of places to visit during the stay - vegetable farm, aquarium, goat farm, ornamental fish farm, aeroponic farm, and more. I must say it was quite an interesting and eye-opening experience for a city dweller like me.
The food at the seafood restaurant is mediocre though.
Weekend getaway is just about right to visit this place.
Thursday, 10 December 2009
I Still Miss You...
Everyday, life moves on.
Every moment, I move on.
Yet every other moment, I think of you.
I miss you.
Your smile.
Your laughter.
Your twinkling eyes.
Your button nose.
Your flowing hair.
Your voice.
Your care.
Your touch.
Your love.
And every single tiny bit about YOU.
I smile when I think of you.
I tear when I think of you.
I ache when I think of you.
I sigh with love when I think of you.
I miss you..
I still do.
All the time....
Every moment, I move on.
Yet every other moment, I think of you.
I miss you.
Your smile.
Your laughter.
Your twinkling eyes.
Your button nose.
Your flowing hair.
Your voice.
Your care.
Your touch.
Your love.
And every single tiny bit about YOU.
I smile when I think of you.
I tear when I think of you.
I ache when I think of you.
I sigh with love when I think of you.
I miss you..
I still do.
All the time....
Sunday, 6 December 2009
ANOMA
Since the day I became inquisitive (likely when I first took the baby step to walk and explore), I had seen my parents especially mum living a life of a pious Buddhist.
My dad, in his ignorant ways, had a messed up views and ways on religion - bordering on Taoism, Buddhism mixed with Chinese customs. Warped as it may sound, his cavalier ways had resulted in mum suffering in many manners.
Mum remained unwavered throughout. Her focused faith, simple yet profound understandings of the suttas and teachings of Buddha & Triple Gem had served her and family well.
When we carefully put her remains in the little urn, we noticed that her everything is clean and of pure white. It was also then we noticed that there are sariras - all in beautiful pink to amber red. Sariras are said to be remains of highly evolved individuals and they are physical proof that the individual has attained a level of spiritual understanding. The auras of these relics are believed to be protective and radiates loving kindness.
Through my parents, we came into contact with religion. I even sporadically ventured beyond the little circle to find out more about others such as Christianity, Islam.
Come to think of it, I have been in search for some spiritual understanding for the longest period of time. Perhaps timing, readiness, openness, right people matter.
Both sister and I only came in touch with Teravada Buddhism in recent 6 years and the concepts provided new insights that are relevant and meaningful.
I for one, am in search for a teacher-someone who can guide and provide explanations to the Dharma.
Bhante Indasara is a great and compassionate teacher with a wealth of knowledge. He resides in Sri Lanka and heads the University.
Bhante Mahinda is a much learned teacher and he too resides in SL.
Other Venerables come and go.
Ah.... Does one receive when one seek?
Time will tell.
And Bhante Indasara. I am grateful for him. He has been around giving me the guidance, advice and comfort. Still does despite the physical distance.
And he has chosen with care, a good and meaningful Buddhist name that relates to me as a person....
ANOMA...
The beautiful meaning of which shall reside deep and with care within my heart..
Thanks Bhante...
My dad, in his ignorant ways, had a messed up views and ways on religion - bordering on Taoism, Buddhism mixed with Chinese customs. Warped as it may sound, his cavalier ways had resulted in mum suffering in many manners.
Mum remained unwavered throughout. Her focused faith, simple yet profound understandings of the suttas and teachings of Buddha & Triple Gem had served her and family well.
When we carefully put her remains in the little urn, we noticed that her everything is clean and of pure white. It was also then we noticed that there are sariras - all in beautiful pink to amber red. Sariras are said to be remains of highly evolved individuals and they are physical proof that the individual has attained a level of spiritual understanding. The auras of these relics are believed to be protective and radiates loving kindness.
Through my parents, we came into contact with religion. I even sporadically ventured beyond the little circle to find out more about others such as Christianity, Islam.
Come to think of it, I have been in search for some spiritual understanding for the longest period of time. Perhaps timing, readiness, openness, right people matter.
Both sister and I only came in touch with Teravada Buddhism in recent 6 years and the concepts provided new insights that are relevant and meaningful.
I for one, am in search for a teacher-someone who can guide and provide explanations to the Dharma.
Bhante Indasara is a great and compassionate teacher with a wealth of knowledge. He resides in Sri Lanka and heads the University.
Bhante Mahinda is a much learned teacher and he too resides in SL.
Other Venerables come and go.
Ah.... Does one receive when one seek?
Time will tell.
And Bhante Indasara. I am grateful for him. He has been around giving me the guidance, advice and comfort. Still does despite the physical distance.
And he has chosen with care, a good and meaningful Buddhist name that relates to me as a person....
ANOMA...
The beautiful meaning of which shall reside deep and with care within my heart..
Thanks Bhante...
Sunday, 29 November 2009
Remembering Your Parents...
This morning, ST featured a notice where its content is heartwarming and exude good and right thoughts.
It essentially details the fond memories of their departed parents and vows to continue with the parents' beautiful legacy of love, wisdom and compassion into their daily lives.
What more can the parents ask for except for their children to be well and lead a meaningful and joyful life?
A book on filial piety sutra indicated that in order to repay the virtuous kindness and love of one's parents, one needs to understand, practise and live the Dhamma Teachings as a way of life.
The Noble Eightfold Path is the basic guidance for a start.
Bless the family and all for remembering the love of their parents and aiming to live a life of mindfulness, compassion and right practice.
It essentially details the fond memories of their departed parents and vows to continue with the parents' beautiful legacy of love, wisdom and compassion into their daily lives.
What more can the parents ask for except for their children to be well and lead a meaningful and joyful life?
A book on filial piety sutra indicated that in order to repay the virtuous kindness and love of one's parents, one needs to understand, practise and live the Dhamma Teachings as a way of life.
The Noble Eightfold Path is the basic guidance for a start.
Bless the family and all for remembering the love of their parents and aiming to live a life of mindfulness, compassion and right practice.
Saturday, 28 November 2009
X'mas Is Around The Corner
Tried to soak in the X'mas mood with WY earlier by strolling along Orchard Road. The crowd was aplenty but not as many appreciated the light-up. They were busy walking, chatting, laughing or simply sitting at the benches puffing their life away..
I must say that this year's lighting is pretty much a let down.. especially compared to previous years.
Shopping malls surprisingly were not packed with shoppers. And if there were people carrying their shopping bags, they were not a lot for sure.
Strangely, the festive mood seemed to be missing... Is it due to the fact that the celebration has become overly commercialised or simply.. I have viewed the celebration differently?
Hmm....I guess X'mas has slowly become a time of quiet reflection and appreciation of little blessings despite of all the disappointments, loss and pains. And really, both WY and I believe that a simple, peaceful, and meaningful life is enough. It is all about giving, loving and be contented.
May all be blessed with good health and joy!
I must say that this year's lighting is pretty much a let down.. especially compared to previous years.
Shopping malls surprisingly were not packed with shoppers. And if there were people carrying their shopping bags, they were not a lot for sure.
Strangely, the festive mood seemed to be missing... Is it due to the fact that the celebration has become overly commercialised or simply.. I have viewed the celebration differently?
Hmm....I guess X'mas has slowly become a time of quiet reflection and appreciation of little blessings despite of all the disappointments, loss and pains. And really, both WY and I believe that a simple, peaceful, and meaningful life is enough. It is all about giving, loving and be contented.
May all be blessed with good health and joy!
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
Seng Kee Mee Sua
When I first tasted Seng Kee mee sua five years ago, I was totally bowled over by the simple dish. The herbal soup was tasty with depth and a slight peppery kick in it. The pork and kidney slices were soft and fresh.
Today, the dish is still pretty much well liked by many, especially those who want to warm their stomach after a hard day's work or fun at a karoake lounge. Their menu has expanded to cover steam fish, tonic soups, curry fish head, special tofu with shredded pork, crab and more. These are hearty choices for the discerning Singaporeans who love street food at reasonable cost.
Today, the dish is still pretty much well liked by many, especially those who want to warm their stomach after a hard day's work or fun at a karoake lounge. Their menu has expanded to cover steam fish, tonic soups, curry fish head, special tofu with shredded pork, crab and more. These are hearty choices for the discerning Singaporeans who love street food at reasonable cost.
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
This Tme, Another Place..
It's amazing how IT modernise the world. A simple thing such as airplane now can transport us to places beyond our imagination as compared to earlier days..
This time yesterday I was working from home. Now, I am sitting alone in my hotel room in Mumbai working my ass away.
The air outside looks crisp and the weather looks just fine but I ain't going to slow down a bit and enjoy it. Clock is ticking away and needs to get ready the event.
Thankfully for WY yesterday... he has helped me to put things in perspective a little... Thus when I am facing with an unexpected condition last night and this morning, I am able to look at it with a calmer and objective mind..
I am still hoping for the best while I monitor. We shall see...
This time yesterday I was working from home. Now, I am sitting alone in my hotel room in Mumbai working my ass away.
The air outside looks crisp and the weather looks just fine but I ain't going to slow down a bit and enjoy it. Clock is ticking away and needs to get ready the event.
Thankfully for WY yesterday... he has helped me to put things in perspective a little... Thus when I am facing with an unexpected condition last night and this morning, I am able to look at it with a calmer and objective mind..
I am still hoping for the best while I monitor. We shall see...
Monday, 16 November 2009
Bewildered...
Yearnings... desires.... Wishes....Whatever and however you coin it.... it is the same...
For it can be a powerful force.... to propel one to move and work towards achieving it. Once failed, one either moves on with more fervour to getting it or one moves away to look for alternatives.
Emotionally, this can be draining - as the roller coaster of expectations and results can be quite a ride.
Yes, I am feeling apprehensive, tense and a litle shocked even.
I cannot even understand if this feeling of low and fear is a result of my emotions running wild... and nothing more..
I am praying for calmness... this very moment...
For it can be a powerful force.... to propel one to move and work towards achieving it. Once failed, one either moves on with more fervour to getting it or one moves away to look for alternatives.
Emotionally, this can be draining - as the roller coaster of expectations and results can be quite a ride.
Yes, I am feeling apprehensive, tense and a litle shocked even.
I cannot even understand if this feeling of low and fear is a result of my emotions running wild... and nothing more..
I am praying for calmness... this very moment...
Thursday, 12 November 2009
A Gentleman...
I have known Fong for ages...And he remains every bit the understanding, communicative, insightful and caring gentleman I come to care and respect.
He is now a proud and happy grandfather of a newborn and his joy radiated through when I met him for lunch earlier today.
How many men in today's context give their lady friends that sense of comfort and security? Not many I guess. And I am lucky to have found a couple in my life.
WY is the other.
Women have been evolving and adapting - so much so that they are gaining foothold in many prominent areas at both home and business fronts. Men need to be more in order to engage women of today.
Tough balance but such is life, which is ever changing. As it is, the regulatory bodies are already having huge headaches about falling marital rates, not to mention procreation rates. Concurrently, divorce rate is on the rise.
Cause for concern? I would think so. Unhappy people may have greater odds of improving their well-being.
Collectively, such high level unhappiness and emotional gaps will surely have great impact on the social eco-system.
Until now, has this phenomena received much attention?
I do not really know, honestly...
He is now a proud and happy grandfather of a newborn and his joy radiated through when I met him for lunch earlier today.
How many men in today's context give their lady friends that sense of comfort and security? Not many I guess. And I am lucky to have found a couple in my life.
WY is the other.
Women have been evolving and adapting - so much so that they are gaining foothold in many prominent areas at both home and business fronts. Men need to be more in order to engage women of today.
Tough balance but such is life, which is ever changing. As it is, the regulatory bodies are already having huge headaches about falling marital rates, not to mention procreation rates. Concurrently, divorce rate is on the rise.
Cause for concern? I would think so. Unhappy people may have greater odds of improving their well-being.
Collectively, such high level unhappiness and emotional gaps will surely have great impact on the social eco-system.
Until now, has this phenomena received much attention?
I do not really know, honestly...
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
This Moment...
This moment
Giving my best to the work on hand
This moment
Breathing with consicousness to slow down
This moment
Being aware of the thoughts that cross my mind
This moment
Sending good thoughts to people I know
This moment
Appreciating the moment... of being alive..... of being able to access Dharma and cultivate a righteous life...
This moment
Is simply precious......
Giving my best to the work on hand
This moment
Breathing with consicousness to slow down
This moment
Being aware of the thoughts that cross my mind
This moment
Sending good thoughts to people I know
This moment
Appreciating the moment... of being alive..... of being able to access Dharma and cultivate a righteous life...
This moment
Is simply precious......
Sunday, 1 November 2009
Katina Ceremony
Just back from a 4 hour Katina Ceremony organised by Bhante Gunaratana and his MK Buddhist Society. More than 10,000 pieces of robes were offered to the Sangha community that spread in different countries covering Sri Lanka, India, Myanmar and more. This ceremony had a great sense of occasion about it. It showed how a community who believes the same faith can maintain a great and rich tradition that spans more than 2500 years.
Buddhist monasteries normally observe a Rains Retreat period annually. They remain at one location to practice intensive meditation and reflection as well as to teach Dharma to devotees. At the conclusion of three months, which corresponds to the rainy period in ancient India, a special robe (Katina) is offered.
It is said to be the most meritorious offering, a millennia-old custom from the time of the Buddha. It is believed that offering the Katina robe will earn solid good Karma.
Very often, it is also during this ceremony that one transfer such meritorious deed to the departed ones with the hope that they become a participant of the original deed by associating themselves with the deed done. Thus, this identification of themselves with both the deed and the doer may result in the beneficiary getting even greater merit than the original doer, be it higher rejoicing or possible counterbalancing of their negative karma, thereby saving them from potential calamity.
This is my second participation in Katina Ceremony - where more time was spent on reflection, learning Buddha Dharma, and practicing Dana with appreciative joy. Mum must have felt our intense love and joy for the emotion that coursed through was overwhelming at times.....
A meaningful session. Indeed.
Buddhist monasteries normally observe a Rains Retreat period annually. They remain at one location to practice intensive meditation and reflection as well as to teach Dharma to devotees. At the conclusion of three months, which corresponds to the rainy period in ancient India, a special robe (Katina) is offered.
It is said to be the most meritorious offering, a millennia-old custom from the time of the Buddha. It is believed that offering the Katina robe will earn solid good Karma.
Very often, it is also during this ceremony that one transfer such meritorious deed to the departed ones with the hope that they become a participant of the original deed by associating themselves with the deed done. Thus, this identification of themselves with both the deed and the doer may result in the beneficiary getting even greater merit than the original doer, be it higher rejoicing or possible counterbalancing of their negative karma, thereby saving them from potential calamity.
This is my second participation in Katina Ceremony - where more time was spent on reflection, learning Buddha Dharma, and practicing Dana with appreciative joy. Mum must have felt our intense love and joy for the emotion that coursed through was overwhelming at times.....
A meaningful session. Indeed.
Tuesday, 20 October 2009
Interesting Conversation
Met R for lunch today.
Our conversation can range from something small and frivolous to something that matters and is kept deep within our hearts.
Interestingly, we talked about dreams, thoughts, senses and their relationships with intuitive analogies. Do we even know if these so call intuitive perceptions or words speak truth in the first place?
I for one do not know for sure. However, some of the things that I experienced in reality did baffle me.
Guess she is right. Just be aware and manage the flow...The answers may just come forth in a clear way.
We shall see.
Our conversation can range from something small and frivolous to something that matters and is kept deep within our hearts.
Interestingly, we talked about dreams, thoughts, senses and their relationships with intuitive analogies. Do we even know if these so call intuitive perceptions or words speak truth in the first place?
I for one do not know for sure. However, some of the things that I experienced in reality did baffle me.
Guess she is right. Just be aware and manage the flow...The answers may just come forth in a clear way.
We shall see.
Saturday, 17 October 2009
A Daughter's Ode To Mum....
Each Precious Moment...
Mum
It may be just a three letter word
But it means so much to me
Mum I do miss you so
Your serene face
Your beautiful toothy smile
Your button nose
Your twinkling little eyes
Your long flowing white hair . . .
Mum I often wonder
How you manage
To overcome all huddles
That block your path
Your serene face
Gives me no clue
Mum I wonder
Despite all odds
You can still continue to smile
That wide toothy smile
Reflecting….
Your motherly love
Your kindness
Your patience
The beautiful smile that lights up our life
Mum I miss the touch of your silky hair
I will always remember the wonderful time shampooing your hair
And massaging your scalp with conditioner . . .
Your sigh of contentment mingle with hearty laughter as water gets into your eyes simply makes my day
Mum I miss the look of enjoyment on your face
When I blow your long silky hair dry after a good wash
Your eyes are close
The humming of the hair dryer
The lightness of your head
Makes you drowsy and slowly, slowly you will just nod off into your dreamland
Mum I miss the time we spend in the bathroom
Giving you a good bath
Spraying water on your face
Rinsing your mouth
Cleaning the remaining two front teeth
Giving you a good scrub on your back
Washing your feet
Drying you with towels
Splashing you with lots of powder
Oh .... how heavenly you smell
Mum I miss the delight in your eyes
Whenever you see me
Visiting you
“Wu mee jia bear?” you always ask
“Wu, chin toi !” I will answer enthusiastically
Munch munch munch
“Hor leow... ah ma par leow”
Sigh.… Mum…Bits of food you consume is simply too little for comfort..
Mum I miss the hello in your voice
When my mobile rings
How glad I am
To receive your call everyday
Oh …. What a good break on a boring day
Mum I miss your sound of wind
When I massage the right hidden spots
On your legs
On your hands
Under your armpits
On your stomach
On your shoulders
On your neck
And on your head
Using my finger tips to tok tok tok
To remove the tension
That causes the headache
You would sigh and
Exclaim how lucky you are
To have Ah Chin and me
Mum I miss the time I spend by your bed
Telling you about Buddha and the Dhamma
“Bor Lan ah, ah ma bor it lit, Mee toh bor it leow leow, Tie tok hor leh”
“Bor kia, bor kia, ah ma wu tim, Ah Neo tie”
Then I would chant
Then you would calm down
Then you would doze off peacefully
Mum I miss the time I spend by your bed
Looking at your dreamy face
While massaging your hands
Listening to the stories of your past
As you try to recall a terrified past
For you to know that you were engaged
At a tender age of 16+
To one whom you never know
To leave your kind parents
Whom you cherished
Loved deeply and cared
A past – married to dad who was really filial
To his parents
Who would do no wrong
Whom he would protect
With all his might
Nobody could say anything bad about them
And he listened to no one
Where his parents was concerned
A past – married to dad
Whose filial piety took precedence
It was a good value
But you had suffered
Because of it
A past – married to dad
Grandma was supposed to be happy
To have a new daughter-in-law
But she was a controller
And a tale carrier
A past – where you had suffered
The body pains
When dad hit you with wooden pole
When he heard grandma said
You were with a man
And not working the fields
Dad never apologize
When he realized his mistake
A past – how you had suffered
For a living
Making joss sticks
Bundle after bundle and yet
Grandma had more to complain
And dad had more to take it out on you
A past – until one day
You could take it no more
You went to your dad
Who refused to let you return
To a home that had no love
A past – where dad pleaded with your dad
For your return
Only when dad promised to hurt you no more
That your dad relented
And persuaded you
Let bygones be bygones
A past – how you had suffered
During the Japanese Occupation
You ran endlessly
Just to hide from them
Through rivers and hills
A past – where you were left alone
When dad had to flee hometown
On a rickety boat
To the unknown South
To seek a future
Oh mum..
With you in the north
And dad in the south
Only communication available
Was news through grandma’s mouth
But mum how blessed you were
Finding that White Figure
Always up there in the sky
Always by your side
When you suffered
Mum how blessed you were
Knowing that White Figure
Was none other than Goddess of Mercy
Staying by you
Through thick and thin of life
Mum how blessed you were
To have Goddess of Mercy and Buddha
By your side
When dad called it a day
And you had five small kids to raise with no finance and help in sight
Mum how blessed you were
To have Goddess of Mercy and Buddha
By your side
To listen to your worries
To listen to your sorrows
To listen to your complaints
To listen to your doubts
To soothe and guide you to overcome these
Mum how blessed you were
To have Goddess of Mercy and Buddha
By your side
When life dealt you with blows after blows
Naughty children
Unfriendly, unruly neighbours
Greedy “ta mei kong”
But with them
You tackled these confidently
Mum your life was blessed
With Goddess of Mercy and Buddha
A legacy you left us
Which we promise
To continue to respect
To follow the path
And to find the ultimate truth
Mum I miss the happy moments when you laugh
At my silly jokes
When I ridicule Meng
When I play cards with you
When your version of the sitcoms
Clashes with mine
Mum I miss the pleasant moments
When I hold you to do gentle walk in the house
To make up for the exercise you need
Only to stop after two laps
“Hor la, ah ma bor lard leow.”
I would tickle you then because of your laziness
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha … you would laugh
But I know, mum, you are not lazy, just tired
Mum I miss the happy moments
When ah Chin and I would fight
To see who kisses you more
On the cheeks
On the forehead
On the nose
On the eyes
On your necks
Hee hee hee hee hee … you would giggle
For you love the kisses from us all
Mum I miss the time I push you in your wheelchair
To
You are delighted and appreciate with glee
When you see beautiful flowers and the big healthy trees
Though the visit is brief
You are happy
Mum I miss the time I push you in your wheelchair
To
Look at the sea
Look at the ships
Look at the skaters
Look at the cyclists
Look at the runners
Look at the walkers
Look at the BBQ-ers
Look at the campers
And look at those dogs !!!
Mum I miss the time I push you in your wheelchair
To see Dr Ng Li Ling for routine checks
You are reluctant at first
And then you oblige
Using my thighs to help you up the stairs
We are finally there
Sitting along the corridor
While waiting for your turn
Talking to you
Feeding you
Each time Dr Ng asks you
“Wah chin hor” you would say
“Yee kong mee” you would ask
“Thank you” you would end
And off we go
Mum I miss the time I push you in your wheelchair
To my C&P office
Up we go
Riding the lifts
Opening the glass doors
You make your famous wave
And your beautiful, radiant and compassionate smile
To all my staff who are awed by you
Mum I miss the time I push you in your wheelchair
To Serangoon Broadway for photo takes
We want you to be proud of us graduates
We want you to be part of our success
We want you to remain in our hearts always
Mum I miss the time I spend
Nursing you back to health
When you remove the cataracts
When you fall
When you cough
When you are running a fever
When your stomach cramps
When you are in hospital
Mum I am so sad and my heart aches
When I see you suffer
Because of a fall
Because of the wind
Because of poor health
Because of us, children
Mum I miss your motherly love
When you worry about ah Chin’s health
When you worry about ah Chin’s marriage
When you worry about ah Chin’s disappointment for not having a kid
When you worry about ah Heng’s liver
When you worry about ah Meng’s future
When you worry about ah Leng’s parents-in-law
When you worry about Mau Jia’s health
When you worry about your grandchildren
When you worry about my old age
“Ah nee ahh, lu some jia tie bor. Bor, lu kow lau leow, lu chew tie kang koh la”
Mum I must confess
I do lie to you during your last leg in this world
So as not to worry you
I know you will forgive me
For I have no intention to cause harm or hurt
It is just LOVE, mum, I love you so ….
Mum we are glad
We walk the Buddhist path as per your advice
We complete your wishes as per your requests
We promise to carry on your legacy
Mum I must learn from you
Your magnanimity
In forgiving us, your children over and over again
For all the wrongs we have done to you
For our imperfections as children
Mum I must emulate you
My role model
For your generosity
For your patience
For your faith
For your humility
For your magnanimity
For your thriftiness
For your bountiful love
For your peaceful ways
Mum I don’t regret
You leaving us at this time to a better realm
It’s not too early
It’s not too late
Just in time as your body’s battery has gone flat
We have used the time we have together very wisely
Mum,
I love you
So much
Before
Now
And Forever....
Your loving daughter ..... Lan..
Sunday, 11 October 2009
Mum's Hundred Day's Rite...
This is long delayed post but the memory of which etched very deeply in mind.
On 20 August 09, the family gathered at mum's place and temple for offering of prayers. Energy and thoughts were channeled towards mum in a good and happy realm.
And it was this special day that brought us to Sri Lanka to conduct the rites for mum in Theravada tradition.
Bhante Indasara is a compassionate and learned teacher. He brought us to an ancient holy temple Kelaniya for the rites. The spot on which this temple stands was exactly where Buddha visited the third time round with 500 Arahants during the Buddha era 2531. The temple exudes an elegant magnificence with positive and calming energy. The mural arts within the prayer hall was life-like with intricate details and colours.
The temple abbot Bhante Mahinda is an equally learned and compassionate senior monk. He readily shared Dharma views with us in his inner chambers.
The rites were simple yet encompassing - covering the holy ground - from Bo tree, stupa to the prayer hall and inner chamber. The whole ceremony was carried out in a calm, mindful and elegant manner. The emotions were overwhelming but positively fullfilling.
Thanks to the kindness of Bhantes that we were able to conduct such beautiful rites for mum..
We are blessed.
Sunday Morning...
It's a beautiful day today. And I woke up feeling every bone, every muscle, every vein within my body crying out loud to be massaged to get the blood start flowing a little...
I managed to do some simple stretching exercises for 30 minutes and that helped to keep my mind clear a tiny bit..
Ah.. health hasn't been the best of condition for years and it remains pretty much so..
But this is my body. Just gotta accept and take good care of it..
Maybe I should just stop by the beach for a gentle stroll.. Maybe..
I managed to do some simple stretching exercises for 30 minutes and that helped to keep my mind clear a tiny bit..
Ah.. health hasn't been the best of condition for years and it remains pretty much so..
But this is my body. Just gotta accept and take good care of it..
Maybe I should just stop by the beach for a gentle stroll.. Maybe..
Sunday, 4 October 2009
Guilty As Charged...
Today's paper revealed that Ming Yi received a guilty verdict by the Judge for his previous acts as the Head of RenCi.
My friend mentioned that possibly it was because that Ming Yi was surrounded by ill-fitted advisors that eventually caused his downfall. Was that truly the case I wonder..
It probably is even tougher to practice as a monk but the fact that he renounced the worldly affairs means he wanted that blessed opportunity to pursue the path including ethical practice with right focus and energy. He is no longer a novice but a very experienced spiritual leader. To say he probably got diverted because of a group of advisors is lame. in fact, his responses during the trial were even laughable and ludicrous at times, not to mention contradictory.
Practicing lay buddhists and monks are concerned about cultivating and lifting the mind.
And we learn that basic cause of human suffering is greed, ill will or hatred and ignorance. These fundamental negative traits are the source of our unquenchable thirst for possessions, all of our illusions, unhappiness, unsatisfactoriness and desires. Simply because we make unskillful decisions and act unethically for self-serving and even dishonest intentions.
If one simply remains kind, loving and mindful ( which he does as evidenced by the fund raising acts and setting up the hospital for the poor and aged), one may probably still not be equipping oneself with the knowledge and expertise to uproot and remove these unfavourable tendencies ( as evidenced by his lavish lifestyle and management over the funds and his aide).
Surely, one needs to cultivate other positive values and behaviour. Meditation aside, wisdom, compassion, generosity and loving kindness can be cultivated through continuous learning and practice. When we develop these qualities and applying them in our lives, we will slowly wear away the negative stubborn habitual behaviors. With a kind loving heart and capacity to let go, we become freer, lighter, more peaceful, clear-headed and happier.
Did he learn, follow and practice the path? Only he knows.
I am but a lay person. I have even more gaps and lows. But with WY, like-minded friends, teachers, Dharma books... I am blessed to be able to learn and practice.
What the future holds, I have no idea and have no intention to know as it doesn't matter. What matters is this moment and what I do with it.
Arduous road of practice? Perhaps. But will stay focused.
My friend mentioned that possibly it was because that Ming Yi was surrounded by ill-fitted advisors that eventually caused his downfall. Was that truly the case I wonder..
It probably is even tougher to practice as a monk but the fact that he renounced the worldly affairs means he wanted that blessed opportunity to pursue the path including ethical practice with right focus and energy. He is no longer a novice but a very experienced spiritual leader. To say he probably got diverted because of a group of advisors is lame. in fact, his responses during the trial were even laughable and ludicrous at times, not to mention contradictory.
Practicing lay buddhists and monks are concerned about cultivating and lifting the mind.
And we learn that basic cause of human suffering is greed, ill will or hatred and ignorance. These fundamental negative traits are the source of our unquenchable thirst for possessions, all of our illusions, unhappiness, unsatisfactoriness and desires. Simply because we make unskillful decisions and act unethically for self-serving and even dishonest intentions.
If one simply remains kind, loving and mindful ( which he does as evidenced by the fund raising acts and setting up the hospital for the poor and aged), one may probably still not be equipping oneself with the knowledge and expertise to uproot and remove these unfavourable tendencies ( as evidenced by his lavish lifestyle and management over the funds and his aide).
Surely, one needs to cultivate other positive values and behaviour. Meditation aside, wisdom, compassion, generosity and loving kindness can be cultivated through continuous learning and practice. When we develop these qualities and applying them in our lives, we will slowly wear away the negative stubborn habitual behaviors. With a kind loving heart and capacity to let go, we become freer, lighter, more peaceful, clear-headed and happier.
Did he learn, follow and practice the path? Only he knows.
I am but a lay person. I have even more gaps and lows. But with WY, like-minded friends, teachers, Dharma books... I am blessed to be able to learn and practice.
What the future holds, I have no idea and have no intention to know as it doesn't matter. What matters is this moment and what I do with it.
Arduous road of practice? Perhaps. But will stay focused.
Botanic Garden
I try to visit this place every Saturday morning
To breathe in the fresh air
To take in the natural beauty
To soak in the activities that go on at different spots
And to catch up with WY on matters
Of course we talk quite a fair bit whenever we manage to find time together
And it never cease to amaze me that till today
We are still able to share about anything under the sun
It feels comforting to be able to connect and love someone so dear
And it is even more comforting to have this reciprocated in the same, if not more manner..
This blessing is hard to come by for sure
And will be cherished wholeheartedly without doubt..
To breathe in the fresh air
To take in the natural beauty
To soak in the activities that go on at different spots
And to catch up with WY on matters
Of course we talk quite a fair bit whenever we manage to find time together
And it never cease to amaze me that till today
We are still able to share about anything under the sun
It feels comforting to be able to connect and love someone so dear
And it is even more comforting to have this reciprocated in the same, if not more manner..
This blessing is hard to come by for sure
And will be cherished wholeheartedly without doubt..
Saturday, 3 October 2009
My Dear Friend...
I have known her for ages
She was and still is a lovely and carefree lady
Back then, she was looking forward to a life with the one she loved
But life was not what she planned to be
It was tumultuous, disappointing, hurting and at times utter despair
But she persevered
Her bundle of joy was indeed a blessing
Bringing her hope and laughter
Now she is alone
Yet so not alone
She is constantly in physical pain
Yet so not emotionally
She understands her lows and gaps
Yet will find ways to manage them
She is getting old with years (as she always claims)
Yet her lighthearted outlook and laughter remain
R, my friend, my sister
Good to have known you
There is not much to say
Just simply
I wish you well
And I wish you love and joy
Always..
She was and still is a lovely and carefree lady
Back then, she was looking forward to a life with the one she loved
But life was not what she planned to be
It was tumultuous, disappointing, hurting and at times utter despair
But she persevered
Her bundle of joy was indeed a blessing
Bringing her hope and laughter
Now she is alone
Yet so not alone
She is constantly in physical pain
Yet so not emotionally
She understands her lows and gaps
Yet will find ways to manage them
She is getting old with years (as she always claims)
Yet her lighthearted outlook and laughter remain
R, my friend, my sister
Good to have known you
There is not much to say
Just simply
I wish you well
And I wish you love and joy
Always..
Saturday, 12 September 2009
My Grandma....
She is a loving, compassionate and kind lady.
She treats her friends like a family member, giving comfort, console and advice whenever they encounter troubles.
She tells her grandchildren about her past, be it happy or unhappy events. All these stories help us to know her better.
She talks to me individually sometimes to ask how my school and working life is. After that she will give me her valuable advice.
She loves yellow and bright colour flowers. When she sees them, she will then smile widely, showing only her two front teeth.
She loves yummy food and eats them with joy and laughter.
Who is she?
She is no other person but my beloved GRANDMOTHER!
Losing her is a painful experience but knowing that she is at a better place, I will always be happy for her.
Without her being here with us physically doesn’t mean losing her forever, because she will always stay in my heart for as long as I am alive.
With love....Jillian
Mum's Recipes
Mum never really cooked for us until Dad's passing.
I remember very distinctly her incessant wailing when Dad left us, spelling her pain of loss and uncertainties about life ahead. We were young and ignorant then.
Dad's illness and death had wiped out whatever little savings we had. But mum, with the help of some very dear friends, picked up the responsibility of holding the family together.
One thing that I remember well was the frequent trips to markets bargaining and buying daily groceries and food items.
Meals were simple fare. And that was also the time mum really started cooking and trying out new recipes.
It was only when things got better that mum's dishes expanded - mutton soup, curry chicken, fried kuay teow, lor bah (braised pork), fried fish with leek and special sauce.... and more..
Every dish reminds us of our meals with mum, the sharing of day's events at the dinner table, and the connection amongst the family members.
Today, both Alice and I can cook up some of her main specialties but the taste is never the same... But we are sure our younger generation is enjoying these with relish... the way we used to be..
This is call 家传菜，一代传一代，爱心满满载。。。。
I remember very distinctly her incessant wailing when Dad left us, spelling her pain of loss and uncertainties about life ahead. We were young and ignorant then.
Dad's illness and death had wiped out whatever little savings we had. But mum, with the help of some very dear friends, picked up the responsibility of holding the family together.
One thing that I remember well was the frequent trips to markets bargaining and buying daily groceries and food items.
Meals were simple fare. And that was also the time mum really started cooking and trying out new recipes.
It was only when things got better that mum's dishes expanded - mutton soup, curry chicken, fried kuay teow, lor bah (braised pork), fried fish with leek and special sauce.... and more..
Every dish reminds us of our meals with mum, the sharing of day's events at the dinner table, and the connection amongst the family members.
Today, both Alice and I can cook up some of her main specialties but the taste is never the same... But we are sure our younger generation is enjoying these with relish... the way we used to be..
This is call 家传菜，一代传一代，爱心满满载。。。。
Tuesday, 14 July 2009
Little Rented Rooms..
Mum and dad used to move around and stayed in different rented rooms.
Life wasn't particularly good but each of these little haven provided roof for the birth of her little offsprings.
Little feets of Leng and Alice filled the rustic farms in Potong Pasir for simple work and pleasures. Those were the days where fresh air, muddy ponds with small lotus flowers bloomed and little animals ran havoc in the little community.
Ming and Heng were more adventurous - venturing beyond Lorong 25 Geylang to other parts of streets with friends seeking fun and thrill - leaving mum anxious on most days. Food from the market was simple yet delectable - from char kway teow, kuay chap to soya bean drinks and chendol.
Paya Lebar home was the first home where mum and dad paid with their hard earned money - a place where we called our own. I was born there.
It was a place where beautiful and bitter memories intertwined. But today, with mum's unconditional love, I have moved on to be a healthy and positive person.
Regardless of where we were, mum remained the centre pillar of strength and love where we grew up to be what we are today. Mum never failed to grill into us the importance of being independent, down to earth and pragmatic. She maintained that we must learn to be loving and understanding towards the less fortunate or anyone who is in need of attention. We need to be aware, mindful and appreciative of our blessings and what we already have.......And for sure, be thankful to those who have rendered us love and help.
The list goes on.... and these have and will continue to serve us well. Whether we can successfuly inculcate hese valuable values and traits to the next generation is a great challenge in today's changing world. But we shall try our level best... No doubt about it.
Life wasn't particularly good but each of these little haven provided roof for the birth of her little offsprings.
Little feets of Leng and Alice filled the rustic farms in Potong Pasir for simple work and pleasures. Those were the days where fresh air, muddy ponds with small lotus flowers bloomed and little animals ran havoc in the little community.
Ming and Heng were more adventurous - venturing beyond Lorong 25 Geylang to other parts of streets with friends seeking fun and thrill - leaving mum anxious on most days. Food from the market was simple yet delectable - from char kway teow, kuay chap to soya bean drinks and chendol.
Paya Lebar home was the first home where mum and dad paid with their hard earned money - a place where we called our own. I was born there.
It was a place where beautiful and bitter memories intertwined. But today, with mum's unconditional love, I have moved on to be a healthy and positive person.
Regardless of where we were, mum remained the centre pillar of strength and love where we grew up to be what we are today. Mum never failed to grill into us the importance of being independent, down to earth and pragmatic. She maintained that we must learn to be loving and understanding towards the less fortunate or anyone who is in need of attention. We need to be aware, mindful and appreciative of our blessings and what we already have.......And for sure, be thankful to those who have rendered us love and help.
The list goes on.... and these have and will continue to serve us well. Whether we can successfuly inculcate hese valuable values and traits to the next generation is a great challenge in today's changing world. But we shall try our level best... No doubt about it.
Wednesday, 1 July 2009
Mum's First Step Into A Foreign Land
For some years after her marriage, mum lived without a husband because my dad had gone to Singapore in search of a better life. She had to look after the family, worked in the farm and as a factory worker assigned by the state.
In 1957, dad sent for mum. For one who had never travelled beyond 海南加积 或海口city, going to a totally foreign land proved scary and uncertain, especially it meant leaving mum's loved ones behind without the ready chance to meet again. Despite all the reluctance, mum decided to be with dad and set sail to Singapore with her parent's blessings.
The voyage proved to be a strain as mum suffered from massive motion sickness. She went without food for days but thankfully, the other travellers lent her a helping hand and looked after her.
After 2 weeks, mum finally stepped onto the solid land of Singapore. Therein began her new life with dad.
In 1957, dad sent for mum. For one who had never travelled beyond 海南加积 或海口city, going to a totally foreign land proved scary and uncertain, especially it meant leaving mum's loved ones behind without the ready chance to meet again. Despite all the reluctance, mum decided to be with dad and set sail to Singapore with her parent's blessings.
The voyage proved to be a strain as mum suffered from massive motion sickness. She went without food for days but thankfully, the other travellers lent her a helping hand and looked after her.
After 2 weeks, mum finally stepped onto the solid land of Singapore. Therein began her new life with dad.
Her Growing Up Years (II)
Mum used to remember her early years where she fled her home town with family during the Japanese occupation.
For at least one and a half year, they travelled far into the unknown terrain from unknown war torn sites to deep mountain to avoid the invaders and to stay alive. Food was scarce but more critically, everyone was subjected to apprehension, pain, fear, suffering and hunger.
When mum finally made her way back home, grandpa felt that by marrying mum to dad would be a good move to protect her chastity and life. Little did he realise that the marriage gave mum not only a new family but also a whole new experience of oppressive physical, mental and emotional suffering and pain.
Even after settling and living in Singapore, seemingly, time had not erased the unhappy memories of the Japanese invasion as well as dad and his family. It was evident that the anguish over this lingered in her heart, especially when her old wounds from dad's harsh beatings resurfaced.
But truth be told, despite these bitter experiences, mum's friends and relatives have nothing to say except that she remained a dutiful, strong, self-less and kind daughter-in-law, wife and sister-in-law with ready and regular sharing of money, household items, food, clothes, jewelleries and more. This act was done on top of her duty as a daughter and sister to her own family in China and as mother to us, where time was especially hard after dad's passing.
She had set an exemplary example of returning harsh treatments with kind acts of giving.
For at least one and a half year, they travelled far into the unknown terrain from unknown war torn sites to deep mountain to avoid the invaders and to stay alive. Food was scarce but more critically, everyone was subjected to apprehension, pain, fear, suffering and hunger.
When mum finally made her way back home, grandpa felt that by marrying mum to dad would be a good move to protect her chastity and life. Little did he realise that the marriage gave mum not only a new family but also a whole new experience of oppressive physical, mental and emotional suffering and pain.
Even after settling and living in Singapore, seemingly, time had not erased the unhappy memories of the Japanese invasion as well as dad and his family. It was evident that the anguish over this lingered in her heart, especially when her old wounds from dad's harsh beatings resurfaced.
But truth be told, despite these bitter experiences, mum's friends and relatives have nothing to say except that she remained a dutiful, strong, self-less and kind daughter-in-law, wife and sister-in-law with ready and regular sharing of money, household items, food, clothes, jewelleries and more. This act was done on top of her duty as a daughter and sister to her own family in China and as mother to us, where time was especially hard after dad's passing.
She had set an exemplary example of returning harsh treatments with kind acts of giving.
Tuesday, 30 June 2009
Seven Weeks In Memory - The Celebration Of Life...............
The early morning sun and clear skies warmed the streets and buildings at Man Fatt Lam Monastery. It was almost quiet other than our busy preparation for mum's 49th day prayer ceremony.
This ceremony was to honour mum, to offer light and good thoughts, as well as the Dhamma truth for mum to move on to a good and happy after life and rebirth. But in retrospect, these rites during the 49 days also have good effect on the living somewhat. To a certain extent, the rites are not just being conducted for our departed loved one but they allow us to grieve and heal along the way as well.
49 days has passed by swiftly.
There is a long way ahead of us.
Continuing to be despair and mourn her relentlessly without being mindful is not right.
Celebrating life is probably our best way to live in mum's memory.
Mum in her own simple way had celebrated life, especially after dad's passing.
The Lord Buddha and Goddess of Mercy had brought comfort and peace to her weary and sorrow-laden mind. They showed her that there was light in her darkest moments. They gave her the courage to move on and lived a life of truth with much gratitude and appreciative joy.
For sure, we have witnessed her strengthened and focused faith in leading a beautiful and positively fruitful life that had benefited those who came by her way - be it any living soul or sentient being , any kind of plants and flowers, or any kind of animals.
The Triple Gem's Truth.
The Buddha's Ultimate Reality.
Has freed mum from her all of her sufferings - when she was alive, during her last moments and after her passing.
We love and trust mum. Immensely.
She was the heart of our souls.
She will remain very much so.
Because...
Through her, we have a life.
Through her, we learn to respect life.
Through her, we have security, laughter, peace and much love.
Through her, we have learned to give, be grateful and appreciative.
Through her, we have learned to live with the right values and perspectives.
Through her, we have access to the precious gem of Lord Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha.
Through her, we are blessed.
Trust in the Truth.
Take comfort that mum is well and happy.
Take firm steps to live and practice the Right Way.
Be joyful in having this precious chance.
To celebrate life the way mum had.
Therefore, rejoice onward!
This ceremony was to honour mum, to offer light and good thoughts, as well as the Dhamma truth for mum to move on to a good and happy after life and rebirth. But in retrospect, these rites during the 49 days also have good effect on the living somewhat. To a certain extent, the rites are not just being conducted for our departed loved one but they allow us to grieve and heal along the way as well.
49 days has passed by swiftly.
There is a long way ahead of us.
Continuing to be despair and mourn her relentlessly without being mindful is not right.
Celebrating life is probably our best way to live in mum's memory.
Mum in her own simple way had celebrated life, especially after dad's passing.
The Lord Buddha and Goddess of Mercy had brought comfort and peace to her weary and sorrow-laden mind. They showed her that there was light in her darkest moments. They gave her the courage to move on and lived a life of truth with much gratitude and appreciative joy.
For sure, we have witnessed her strengthened and focused faith in leading a beautiful and positively fruitful life that had benefited those who came by her way - be it any living soul or sentient being , any kind of plants and flowers, or any kind of animals.
The Triple Gem's Truth.
The Buddha's Ultimate Reality.
Has freed mum from her all of her sufferings - when she was alive, during her last moments and after her passing.
We love and trust mum. Immensely.
She was the heart of our souls.
She will remain very much so.
Because...
Through her, we have a life.
Through her, we learn to respect life.
Through her, we have security, laughter, peace and much love.
Through her, we have learned to give, be grateful and appreciative.
Through her, we have learned to live with the right values and perspectives.
Through her, we have access to the precious gem of Lord Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha.
Through her, we are blessed.
Trust in the Truth.
Take comfort that mum is well and happy.
Take firm steps to live and practice the Right Way.
Be joyful in having this precious chance.
To celebrate life the way mum had.
Therefore, rejoice onward!
Tuesday, 23 June 2009
Six Weeks In Memory.................
Mum's sixth week of passing falls on 闰五月初一.
In remembrance of her, I sent good thoughts and wishes through the chanting of the set of suttas that mum used to chant.
It wasn't a smooth chant because of unfamiliarity but it was comforting.
While chanting, this very friendly lady went around in her quiet joy to place a small piece of traditional cookie on the plate of every soul in 中阴殿. Then she respectfully offered every one with a joss stick. She said,"我妈生前喜欢与人结缘，让我们大家也结个善缘."
She seemed at peace.
She remembered her mum in her own way.
A positive way.
一个人，当此时，能放下，便能自在。
就是如此，当能放下，当能自在。
Mum
On this earth, you have lived beautifully and selflessly with right faith, energy, thoughts, speech, and actions.
You are fine.
You are continuing with the needful.
In a different realm.
I am beginning to feel glad.
This moment.
I am beginning to let go of this negative attachment mode.
This moment.
I feel lighter.
This moment.
I am picking up the right thoughts, right energy, right speech and actions.
This moment.
The momentum will continue.
I know.
At each and many more moments.
Moving forward.
In remembrance of her, I sent good thoughts and wishes through the chanting of the set of suttas that mum used to chant.
It wasn't a smooth chant because of unfamiliarity but it was comforting.
While chanting, this very friendly lady went around in her quiet joy to place a small piece of traditional cookie on the plate of every soul in 中阴殿. Then she respectfully offered every one with a joss stick. She said,"我妈生前喜欢与人结缘，让我们大家也结个善缘."
She seemed at peace.
She remembered her mum in her own way.
A positive way.
一个人，当此时，能放下，便能自在。
就是如此，当能放下，当能自在。
Mum
On this earth, you have lived beautifully and selflessly with right faith, energy, thoughts, speech, and actions.
You are fine.
You are continuing with the needful.
In a different realm.
I am beginning to feel glad.
This moment.
I am beginning to let go of this negative attachment mode.
This moment.
I feel lighter.
This moment.
I am picking up the right thoughts, right energy, right speech and actions.
This moment.
The momentum will continue.
I know.
At each and many more moments.
Moving forward.
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
Five Weeks In Memory.....
I like this picture.
It was taken at home on the first day of Chinese New Year in 2008.
It was a beautiful day of sunshine and the picture speaks of love and joy.
It was a beautiful day of sunshine and the picture speaks of love and joy.
Memories of mum is always about Love, Joy and Peace.
Today, we are remembering mum after her 35th day of passing. Strangely, it reminds me of her last moments in her room. It is a simply decorated room but it is a peaceful place that offers love, warmth and comfort. It is a place where we share our many conversations, little hugs and loving kisses.
We were all with her during her last moments - touching her, talking to her, encouraging her, comforting her, loving her, and chanting to her.
Eventually, her face relaxed and broke into a beautiful and peaceful smile.
We cleansed mum very gently with water fragranced with fresh jasmine and lime leaves. Her still form, surrounded by the jasmine flowers and the gentle chanting of Amibitha, exuded calmess.
I experienced a new perception - the room seemed to have cleared and a very soft hue of light seemed to have brightened up every corner. It could be the emotion of situation but I know, mum is resting in peace in this realm and peaceful in the next realm, practicing and also being blessed by the Triple Gem.
I miss you so much Mum
But
Today
Tomorrow
Everyday onwards
I know...
You are in Good Hands..
And do not worry
We are fine
And we are practicing the Path
Soon
The right time
The right place
We will connect
For sure
I miss you so much Mum
But
Today
Tomorrow
Everyday onwards
I know...
You are in Good Hands..
And do not worry
We are fine
And we are practicing the Path
Soon
The right time
The right place
We will connect
For sure
Friday, 12 June 2009
Death
Today, it dawns on me that every single moment, birth and death are happening at an ongoing process.
While I am paying respect to mum, I realise that every other family is also doing the same, experiencing the pain of loss. And when I look around me, there are also new born, babies, toddlers and people of every possible age.
Everyone is growing and dying at the same time.
But each breathe that goes in does not necessarily correspond with an equivalent outgoing breathe.
Mum breathed her last breathe just in a split moment - a wisp of it went in and it stopped. Suddenly. Just like that. Stopped. Silence.
While I am paying respect to mum, I realise that every other family is also doing the same, experiencing the pain of loss. And when I look around me, there are also new born, babies, toddlers and people of every possible age.
Everyone is growing and dying at the same time.
But each breathe that goes in does not necessarily correspond with an equivalent outgoing breathe.
Mum breathed her last breathe just in a split moment - a wisp of it went in and it stopped. Suddenly. Just like that. Stopped. Silence.
Mum has completed her needs and deeds on earth. She has moved on.
This can and will happen to me, and any of the living sentient beings, now or any moment.
Death is not an end, for it marks the beginning of a new journey.
And Birth is not the beginning, for it marks a part of the natural process of old age, sickness and death.
An endless cycle.
In Samsara.
Being conscious of death.
This is a start.
A good start.
Wednesday, 10 June 2009
Mum's Wishes
Mum has very simple wishes - it's always about us being well and happy and those whom she knows or do not know being well and happy too.
Mum's parting wishes remain steadfast, that is,
I am grateful to mum for teaching me the joy of loving and the pain of losing - all natural processes in our lives.
I've learned that losing someone I love so dearly can remind me not only how fragile and temporary life is, but also how important it is to appreciate what I do have NOW: life, health, family, friends and loved ones.
This moment, I am learning slowly, the difficult process of healing through loss. It is full of progressions and regressions, sudden dramatic leaps and then depressing backslides.. It's just roller coaster.
Tough as it may be, I still hope that this process can eventually give me greater emotional strength and self reliance, and a greater awareness of what really matters in life.
Mum's parting wishes remain steadfast, that is,
- her kids and family stay healthy, cohesive, well and happy
- her belief in the Triple Gem be understood, continued and propagated
- her legacy of compassionate and generous acts for the joy and good of people within the community be accepted and extended by her kids naturally
I am grateful to mum for teaching me the joy of loving and the pain of losing - all natural processes in our lives.
I've learned that losing someone I love so dearly can remind me not only how fragile and temporary life is, but also how important it is to appreciate what I do have NOW: life, health, family, friends and loved ones.
This moment, I am learning slowly, the difficult process of healing through loss. It is full of progressions and regressions, sudden dramatic leaps and then depressing backslides.. It's just roller coaster.
Tough as it may be, I still hope that this process can eventually give me greater emotional strength and self reliance, and a greater awareness of what really matters in life.
Mum.....
Give me time to heal
to surround myself with wise people,
to learn from these wise people,
to practice and be mindful..
Simply, allow me to work towards fulfilling your first wish.... and mine.
For a start...
“Certain indeed is death for the born and certain is birth for the dead; therefore over the inevitable you shall not grieve.”
—Bhagavad-Gita
Lord Buddha explained, “You must know, dear one, that change is inevitable as it is going on even in the present and has been in the past and will be in the future. Therefore birth and death are natural events about which one should not feel much concern.”
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
Metta Sutta
Sutta Nipata I.8
The Buddha's Words on Loving-Kindness
(With Sincere Dedication to Mum)
This is what should be done
By one who is skilled in goodness,
And who seeks the path of peace:
Let them be able and upright,
Straightforward and gentle in speech.
Humble and not conceited,
Contented and easily satisfied.
Unburdened with duties and frugal in their ways.
Peaceful and calm, and wise and skillful,
Not proud and demanding in nature.
Let them not do the slightest thing
That the wise would later reprove.
Wishing: In gladness and in safety,
May all beings be at ease.
Whatever living beings there may be;
Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none,
The great or the mighty, medium, short or small,
The seen and the unseen,
Those living near and far away,
Those born and to-be-born,
May all beings be at ease!
Let none deceive another,
Or despise any being in any state.
Let none through anger or ill-will
Wish harm upon another.
Even as a mother protects with her life
Her child, her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings:
Radiating kindness over the entire world
Spreading upwards to the skies,
And downwards to the depths;
Outwards and unbounded,
Freed from hatred and ill-will.
Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down
Free from drowsiness,
One should sustain this recollection.
This is said to be the sublime abiding.
By not holding to fixed views,
The pure-hearted one, having clarity of vision,
Being freed from all sense desires,
Is not born again into this world.
Translation by the Sangha of Amaravati
The Buddha's Words on Loving-Kindness
(With Sincere Dedication to Mum)
This is what should be done
By one who is skilled in goodness,
And who seeks the path of peace:
Let them be able and upright,
Straightforward and gentle in speech.
Humble and not conceited,
Contented and easily satisfied.
Unburdened with duties and frugal in their ways.
Peaceful and calm, and wise and skillful,
Not proud and demanding in nature.
Let them not do the slightest thing
That the wise would later reprove.
Wishing: In gladness and in safety,
May all beings be at ease.
Whatever living beings there may be;
Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none,
The great or the mighty, medium, short or small,
The seen and the unseen,
Those living near and far away,
Those born and to-be-born,
May all beings be at ease!
Let none deceive another,
Or despise any being in any state.
Let none through anger or ill-will
Wish harm upon another.
Even as a mother protects with her life
Her child, her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings:
Radiating kindness over the entire world
Spreading upwards to the skies,
And downwards to the depths;
Outwards and unbounded,
Freed from hatred and ill-will.
Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down
Free from drowsiness,
One should sustain this recollection.
This is said to be the sublime abiding.
By not holding to fixed views,
The pure-hearted one, having clarity of vision,
Being freed from all sense desires,
Is not born again into this world.
Translation by the Sangha of Amaravati
Four Weeks In Memory...
Visiting mum at the temple has become a daily ritual. The little chat and some words of endearment never fail to bring gentle comfort. Yet, the void that she has left behind remains strong.
Miss her voice, her loving words, her hearty laughter, her hugs and little kisses...
It's going to take time
Mum...
May you be well and happy
May you be free from physical and mental sufferings
May you be free from animosity
May you be safe and protected
May you be guided and blessed by the Triple Gem at all times
May you achieve the bliss of Nibbana soon
Love You Mummy.
Miss her voice, her loving words, her hearty laughter, her hugs and little kisses...
It's going to take time
Mum...
May you be well and happy
May you be free from physical and mental sufferings
May you be free from animosity
May you be safe and protected
May you be guided and blessed by the Triple Gem at all times
May you achieve the bliss of Nibbana soon
Love You Mummy.
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
Three Weeks In Memory.........
It has been 21 days since mum left us.
The reality remains so surreal.
I remember both Wei Yih and I sang this song at our wedding dinner, dedicating it to our mums for grooming us into what we are today. Their devotion and wise words never cease to inspire and bring value to our lives.
Today, the song is especially poignant.
This is a classic and no other songs can strike such an emotive cord the way it does.
So is our beloved mum.
She is a true unique classic person and in our eyes, no others can rival her amazing love, generosity and wisdom.
Missing her is really, an understatement........
Saturday, 30 May 2009
Her Growing Up Years (I)
On this day of 三月初七日, the Lunar year of Rabbit in 1927, mum was born to the Loh family (Her dad 罗德昌 and mum 罗陈氏阿三) at about 5pm.
Mum is the second in line with two other brothers.
Back then, life was truly hard. It was especially difficult where only boys were favoured above all else. Mum received countless beatings from paternal great-granny and her older brother. But she clearly loved her younger brother dearly.
Many a times, mum sought solace from her mum, our grandma, who would nurse mum's wounds tenderly. Mum had always said that grandma was one of the kindest souls on earth and she would love her family unconditionally. This must have influenced mum greatly as mum is really an epitome of unconditional love and compassion herself.
Since toddler days, mum had always been fearful of the dark. But she was determined to lessen the family's burden. She would wake up as early as 4.30am to help out in the housework and the farm. And when the farm reaped nothing, she would try to make ends meet by bringing some basic handiwork to the market for sale.
I remember that once, while she hastened her move in the early hours of morn to bring harvested goods to the market for sale, she fell and hurt her forehead bad. But the fall did not stop her at all. She continue to head for the market and did not head home until the goods were completely sold.
That is how responsible and resourceful mum was.
(to be continued)
Mum is the second in line with two other brothers.
Back then, life was truly hard. It was especially difficult where only boys were favoured above all else. Mum received countless beatings from paternal great-granny and her older brother. But she clearly loved her younger brother dearly.
Many a times, mum sought solace from her mum, our grandma, who would nurse mum's wounds tenderly. Mum had always said that grandma was one of the kindest souls on earth and she would love her family unconditionally. This must have influenced mum greatly as mum is really an epitome of unconditional love and compassion herself.
Since toddler days, mum had always been fearful of the dark. But she was determined to lessen the family's burden. She would wake up as early as 4.30am to help out in the housework and the farm. And when the farm reaped nothing, she would try to make ends meet by bringing some basic handiwork to the market for sale.
I remember that once, while she hastened her move in the early hours of morn to bring harvested goods to the market for sale, she fell and hurt her forehead bad. But the fall did not stop her at all. She continue to head for the market and did not head home until the goods were completely sold.
That is how responsible and resourceful mum was.
(to be continued)
Friday, 29 May 2009
思痛妈妈。。。。。
突然的
悄悄的
排山倒海的
脑海时不时的都充满了妈妈生前的音容笑貌
而每当想起妈妈时
一种痛彻心肺的悲伤油然而生
泪也不由自主地滚滚而下
我知道
人的生老病死都是不可抗拒的自然规律
可是
妈妈
那种割舍不了的亲情真的让我好难适应
思念妈妈的我
总希望有机会问妈妈
您在那里好吗
衷心希望我那充满爱心,宽宏大量,一心向佛的妈妈
在那里能好好歇息,好好修行,好好修心
妈妈
相信您一定看到我为您祷告
妈妈
相信我
在这里
我会一步一步的
积极照顾自己
好好修行
妈妈
我爱您
悄悄的
排山倒海的
脑海时不时的都充满了妈妈生前的音容笑貌
而每当想起妈妈时
一种痛彻心肺的悲伤油然而生
泪也不由自主地滚滚而下
我知道
人的生老病死都是不可抗拒的自然规律
可是
妈妈
那种割舍不了的亲情真的让我好难适应
思念妈妈的我
总希望有机会问妈妈
您在那里好吗
衷心希望我那充满爱心,宽宏大量,一心向佛的妈妈
在那里能好好歇息,好好修行,好好修心
妈妈
相信您一定看到我为您祷告
妈妈
相信我
在这里
我会一步一步的
积极照顾自己
好好修行
妈妈
我爱您
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep..
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.
Mary Elizabeth Frye
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.
Mary Elizabeth Frye
Tuesday, 26 May 2009
Two Weeks In Memory....
Time waits no one
Two weeks have passed
Without us realising
We are still struggling emotionally
Missing every moment that we have had with her
Today standing by her portrait
Her loving face
Her gentle smile
Her twinkling eyes
Seem to say that all is well
She now lives in our hearts
The core of our life essence
Her words, actions and all of her beautiful legacy
Shadowing us in every breathe we take
And guiding us in every step we make
Nothing's changed
We kiss her
We talk to her
We listen to her
We feel her
This moment...every other moments...
We continue to love her...
We continue to remember her..
We continue to cherish her..
In our hearts...
Two weeks have passed
Without us realising
We are still struggling emotionally
Missing every moment that we have had with her
Today standing by her portrait
Her loving face
Her gentle smile
Her twinkling eyes
Seem to say that all is well
She now lives in our hearts
The core of our life essence
Her words, actions and all of her beautiful legacy
Shadowing us in every breathe we take
And guiding us in every step we make
Nothing's changed
We kiss her
We talk to her
We listen to her
We feel her
This moment...every other moments...
We continue to love her...
We continue to remember her..
We continue to cherish her..
In our hearts...
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
MUMMY
Mummy dearest has passed on at 10.10am on 13 May 2009 (Lunar Year of Ox, 四月十九日）
The pain doesn't seem to end.
The longing doesn't seem to end.
The flashback doesn't seem to end.
The tears doesn't seem to end.
The appreciative joy seems to go on.
The gratitude seems to go on.
The love seems to go on.
The learning seems to go on.
And life seems to go on.
What is important.
This very moment?
Carry on.
Move on.
Step by Step.
Contemplating.
Wisely.
Diligently.
Rightfully.
Compassionately.
Mindfully.
One day.
We will meet.
Again.
Again.
And Again.
Till we achieve the Ultimate.
Together.
The Nibbana.
The pain doesn't seem to end.
The longing doesn't seem to end.
The flashback doesn't seem to end.
The tears doesn't seem to end.
The appreciative joy seems to go on.
The gratitude seems to go on.
The love seems to go on.
The learning seems to go on.
And life seems to go on.
What is important.
This very moment?
Carry on.
Move on.
Step by Step.
Contemplating.
Wisely.
Diligently.
Rightfully.
Compassionately.
Mindfully.
One day.
We will meet.
Again.
Again.
And Again.
Till we achieve the Ultimate.
Together.
The Nibbana.
Sunday, 12 April 2009
Tomorrow..Or The Next Life..Which One Comes First?
DBS's CEO Richard Stanley passed away peacefully yesterday. This news came almost immediately after I shared a conversation with WY about Richard's latest news on his critical condition. I was hoping that he would come out of the woods soon but the news of his passing dashed the hope of his recovery.
I do not know him at a level beyond his name in the papers and one who helms the entity with a personable leadership style. But somehow I was saddened by a premature death of one so young and promising.
WY shared Dalai Lama's quote with me.. and I thought.. Perhaps "The next moment..Or the next life..Which one comes first??" is more apt to describe how I view the whole incident and life in general.
Then WY shared about an article from Ajahn Bhramn's book on "sudden death".. Ah... How aptly the analogy is. Death, as much as life in itself, is just a natural process affecting everyone and anyone, regardless of age, gender, race and all at any point in time... No one is to be blamed, nothing is to be questioned, especially if the death is on the young and green..
May he be blessed by the Triple Gem and reach the next realm to further his WAY of CULTIVATION.
For people like us..Each moment is precious. Follow one's heart and Path. Be mindful. Realise the TRUTH.
I do not know him at a level beyond his name in the papers and one who helms the entity with a personable leadership style. But somehow I was saddened by a premature death of one so young and promising.
WY shared Dalai Lama's quote with me.. and I thought.. Perhaps "The next moment..Or the next life..Which one comes first??" is more apt to describe how I view the whole incident and life in general.
Then WY shared about an article from Ajahn Bhramn's book on "sudden death".. Ah... How aptly the analogy is. Death, as much as life in itself, is just a natural process affecting everyone and anyone, regardless of age, gender, race and all at any point in time... No one is to be blamed, nothing is to be questioned, especially if the death is on the young and green..
May he be blessed by the Triple Gem and reach the next realm to further his WAY of CULTIVATION.
For people like us..Each moment is precious. Follow one's heart and Path. Be mindful. Realise the TRUTH.
Sunday, 4 January 2009
Just Thoughts
2008 has gone by. 2009 is already into its 4th day. And I am still clueless when people ask me about resolutions and wishes.
I stopped making resolutions since aeons ago. I don't keep up to delivering them anyways.
Last night, I was pensive..nothing in particular yet about things and people that matter.
This morning, I read Shin's Cancer Blog and as before, she continues to give me positive strength to re-look at things, happenings and people.
Now, this moment, I am calm, conscious and thankful...
I stopped making resolutions since aeons ago. I don't keep up to delivering them anyways.
Last night, I was pensive..nothing in particular yet about things and people that matter.
This morning, I read Shin's Cancer Blog and as before, she continues to give me positive strength to re-look at things, happenings and people.
Now, this moment, I am calm, conscious and thankful...
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