Lunar Year of the Rabbit, 3rd month seventh day... my mum was born.
Today, good thoughts and chanting were sent to her.. I miss you mummy..
May you follow the wise, the intelligent and the awakened and live by the Truth to be free from fear and suffering...
May you achieve the sweetness of stillness, peace and calmness as you move onward, never looking back..
Happy Birthday.... I love YOU.. Always..
Your loving daughter
Chin
Saturday, 9 April 2011
Sunday, 3 April 2011
The Challenge To Change Myself.
Many a times, I hear people moaning about being helpless and powerless to challenge the way things are. And unfortunately I belong to this group too, though in reality, I have been and am still actuley aware that while big and small siuations can be difficult to confront and overcome, we are always able to change ourselves in the face of all these.
I would love things and people around me to be better and to be in a way I want them to be. And very often, it can also be so difficult to go easy (not to mention let go) on the things in life I covet. Truth is, I cannot expect things and people to change. Cos they usually wont. And such situations can be demoralising or even depressing at times.
But life in itself is filled with opportunitites to make small changes that make a big difference, in my life and the lives of others. So, I can at least look at myself and see how changing the way I view and do things and the little ways that I can do to make that difference... to my life, which incidentally is so intricately intertwined with the people I love...
I plan to first take a bit of a break from work and have some time to myself. My goal is simple - breathe, live, love, and learn.
Top things I wish to try ( no specific order ) -
1 Get more exercise and be physically fit ( this is not about going to the gym, it means taking a walk in the park or beach or even... riding a bicycle.)
2 Meditate and be mentally, emotionally aware ( this is not about retreat, it means taking that moment, however short it is, to slow down and be aware of the breath, of the surrounding)
3 Learn culinary skills (this is not about attending classes, it means preparing new recipes and loving breakfast or dinners for my loved ones)
4 Learn effective public speaking ( this is not about work, it means the readiness to engaging people from all walks of life at any point in time)
5 Learn basic colour scheme and make up (heh heh heh... this is about me wanting to learn how to present myself)
6 Be more loving (this is not about loving my hubby and sista, it means the readiness to extend the emphaty and loving kindness to people around us in general)
7 Go easy on myself and people around me ( I worry and fear of things and people too frequently and I end up not being the most agreeable person at the end of the day. This is about learning to let things be and really, I don’t have to live through the insanity do I?)
Now... a simple goal and detailed index card in place.
I just need to be steadily aware of these and start doing them starting May/June! Yay!!
I would love things and people around me to be better and to be in a way I want them to be. And very often, it can also be so difficult to go easy (not to mention let go) on the things in life I covet. Truth is, I cannot expect things and people to change. Cos they usually wont. And such situations can be demoralising or even depressing at times.
But life in itself is filled with opportunitites to make small changes that make a big difference, in my life and the lives of others. So, I can at least look at myself and see how changing the way I view and do things and the little ways that I can do to make that difference... to my life, which incidentally is so intricately intertwined with the people I love...
I plan to first take a bit of a break from work and have some time to myself. My goal is simple - breathe, live, love, and learn.
Top things I wish to try ( no specific order ) -
1 Get more exercise and be physically fit ( this is not about going to the gym, it means taking a walk in the park or beach or even... riding a bicycle.)
2 Meditate and be mentally, emotionally aware ( this is not about retreat, it means taking that moment, however short it is, to slow down and be aware of the breath, of the surrounding)
3 Learn culinary skills (this is not about attending classes, it means preparing new recipes and loving breakfast or dinners for my loved ones)
4 Learn effective public speaking ( this is not about work, it means the readiness to engaging people from all walks of life at any point in time)
5 Learn basic colour scheme and make up (heh heh heh... this is about me wanting to learn how to present myself)
6 Be more loving (this is not about loving my hubby and sista, it means the readiness to extend the emphaty and loving kindness to people around us in general)
7 Go easy on myself and people around me ( I worry and fear of things and people too frequently and I end up not being the most agreeable person at the end of the day. This is about learning to let things be and really, I don’t have to live through the insanity do I?)
Now... a simple goal and detailed index card in place.
I just need to be steadily aware of these and start doing them starting May/June! Yay!!
Sunday, 29 August 2010
About Mum..
I am drawn to Lee Wei Ling's article in ST today - " Difficult to accept a loved one's suffering - feeling compassion with a detachment is wise, but tough when it comes to mama".
It is not one that is filled with an emotionally charged content but its simplicity and straight forward sharing reveals a daughter and family's love and pain when seeing a loved one endless suffering.
My heart tugs when reading this for it brings back memories of mum and our times with her, especially those care giving days. Both sister and I were well aware of mum's suffering and herstep by step deterioration and we tried to be equipped with knowledge, skills and alternative therapists to give her the best possible care so as to give her some level of quality life and sense of well being.
Alas, despite all of these, many a times we stood by her helplessly while seeing her wriggling in pain and crying for some form of release.. even death.
Many a times, we struggled endlessly for her early release to a better realm and yet held strongly to our attachment for her, wishing for her to stay with us for another day.
Many a times, we thought we were ready for mum's departure but when it really happened, we were devastated and the void she left behind was huge. One is NEVER really ready for a very dear and loved one's departure..at least this holds so true for me.
Today after more than a year, I miss her still and I guess, I will continue to miss her till I close my eyes one day. She is so much a part of me and my life. Sometimes, the missing is so great and sore that I cry for her so... but increasingly I learn to let that happen in that instance but not to indulge needlessly in this.
For mum would not want me to be like this - she wants me to be healthy, happy and live a full and fruitful life.
I am a practicing lay Buddhist and guided by the practicing principles.
For these two simple and good reasons, I am good to move on.
It is not one that is filled with an emotionally charged content but its simplicity and straight forward sharing reveals a daughter and family's love and pain when seeing a loved one endless suffering.
My heart tugs when reading this for it brings back memories of mum and our times with her, especially those care giving days. Both sister and I were well aware of mum's suffering and herstep by step deterioration and we tried to be equipped with knowledge, skills and alternative therapists to give her the best possible care so as to give her some level of quality life and sense of well being.
Alas, despite all of these, many a times we stood by her helplessly while seeing her wriggling in pain and crying for some form of release.. even death.
Many a times, we struggled endlessly for her early release to a better realm and yet held strongly to our attachment for her, wishing for her to stay with us for another day.
Many a times, we thought we were ready for mum's departure but when it really happened, we were devastated and the void she left behind was huge. One is NEVER really ready for a very dear and loved one's departure..at least this holds so true for me.
Today after more than a year, I miss her still and I guess, I will continue to miss her till I close my eyes one day. She is so much a part of me and my life. Sometimes, the missing is so great and sore that I cry for her so... but increasingly I learn to let that happen in that instance but not to indulge needlessly in this.
For mum would not want me to be like this - she wants me to be healthy, happy and live a full and fruitful life.
I am a practicing lay Buddhist and guided by the practicing principles.
For these two simple and good reasons, I am good to move on.
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
Perth
Have been here for the last 3 days with Wei Yih and we managed to plough the streets quite a fair bit including all the way to Fremantle, Serpentine and Mandurah.
Fremantle on the coast provided some carnival sort of atmosphere where street performers engaged the audience just outside the markets and people just strolled in the markets enjoying the various offering of food, groceries, skin care and more. The cafe and eateries strip is swamped with people savouring all kinds of cuisines.
Mandurah is a small town that offers sun, sea and water sports. The sailing museum, dolphin marina, restaurants and markets by the beach offer a different kind of relaxation.
Serpertine is the place where Bodhinyana Buddhist Monastery resides. Both Wei Yih and I were blessed to be able to offer dana to Ajahn Brahm and his sangha and received blessings before lunch. The temple ground exudes tranquility with lush greens and quiet lake. The meditation in the shrine hall was peaceful. The positive energy that I felt and garnered was comforting and invigorating to a certain extent. Is this the place for my practice? Perhaps. Taking that first step to participate is more critical than thinking. More on this bit for sure.
And after a lapse of more than 10 years, Perth itself does not seem to have changed much - the pace is still pretty much slow and strangely, people are still pretty much absent from the streets. Do they have a relaxing life outside the city centre or do they simply disappear into their little haven whenever possible?
Quite amazing but after another day, we are heading home. Home is where we feel most comfortable and cosy after all.
Fremantle on the coast provided some carnival sort of atmosphere where street performers engaged the audience just outside the markets and people just strolled in the markets enjoying the various offering of food, groceries, skin care and more. The cafe and eateries strip is swamped with people savouring all kinds of cuisines.
Mandurah is a small town that offers sun, sea and water sports. The sailing museum, dolphin marina, restaurants and markets by the beach offer a different kind of relaxation.
Serpertine is the place where Bodhinyana Buddhist Monastery resides. Both Wei Yih and I were blessed to be able to offer dana to Ajahn Brahm and his sangha and received blessings before lunch. The temple ground exudes tranquility with lush greens and quiet lake. The meditation in the shrine hall was peaceful. The positive energy that I felt and garnered was comforting and invigorating to a certain extent. Is this the place for my practice? Perhaps. Taking that first step to participate is more critical than thinking. More on this bit for sure.
And after a lapse of more than 10 years, Perth itself does not seem to have changed much - the pace is still pretty much slow and strangely, people are still pretty much absent from the streets. Do they have a relaxing life outside the city centre or do they simply disappear into their little haven whenever possible?
Quite amazing but after another day, we are heading home. Home is where we feel most comfortable and cosy after all.
Thursday, 1 July 2010
The Knowledge of Healing
It is a pain and never easy to be under the weather for most part of my life. But I guess, the inevitable suffering of physical illness or pain simply reflect the very fact that we are very much alive and human in this samsara. I am just one of such.
As I learn, physical body experiences is pretty much influenced by past karmic actions and current lifestyle. While modern medicine has helped me to a certain degree, it addresses only the ailing part in isolation from the rest, treating it as if fixing a malfunctioning part of a machine. Over the years, I have slowly learned to rely on TCM, sporadic exercises, alternative holistic treatments, diet on top of modern medicine - but the sustenance of a body that is of the right balance remains a challenge.
Have I try too hard too much?
Or like WY said, I actually don't take care of myself well enough?
It has been a long and arduous journey - literally draining and sometimes.... disheartening to the point of wishing that all of these can end.. and I mean end literally...And perhaps I can find some peace...
Sigh.. I need some time to rest a little and rethink.... I really need to relearn to see and understand illness as a reflection of the total body and mind system and seek to balance it through a fundamental re-orientation of my life-style and outlook. Afterall, Buddha had mentioned about the inseparability of the physical aspects of life from the emotional, mental and spiritual aspects.
But how?
Having hope, courage, focus, strong sense of purpose in life - compassion, loving kindness, generousity, wisdom and all positive traits help?? And I know.. these have to be practiced with continued due diligence.
The more demanding the goals, the more expansive a state of enriched life I can learn to appreciate right? No? After all, these should help me to eventually nurture some level of unassailable inner strength. And physical health alone is really not the determining factor for personal happiness. Rather, the challenge of relooking and managing illness should be seen as a self practice to encourage and inspire hope in me? and maybe in.... others as well because by doing so, it may perhaps help provide some form of relief with understanding to others?
Buddha said that death is as much a part of human life as illness and aging and it provides an opportunity for others to contemplate and practice.
Hmm... new philosophy or attitude for me - modern and complementary medicine plus practice of mind and good...... are mutually compatible and complementary....
Let me think again... and rethink....
As I learn, physical body experiences is pretty much influenced by past karmic actions and current lifestyle. While modern medicine has helped me to a certain degree, it addresses only the ailing part in isolation from the rest, treating it as if fixing a malfunctioning part of a machine. Over the years, I have slowly learned to rely on TCM, sporadic exercises, alternative holistic treatments, diet on top of modern medicine - but the sustenance of a body that is of the right balance remains a challenge.
Have I try too hard too much?
Or like WY said, I actually don't take care of myself well enough?
It has been a long and arduous journey - literally draining and sometimes.... disheartening to the point of wishing that all of these can end.. and I mean end literally...And perhaps I can find some peace...
Sigh.. I need some time to rest a little and rethink.... I really need to relearn to see and understand illness as a reflection of the total body and mind system and seek to balance it through a fundamental re-orientation of my life-style and outlook. Afterall, Buddha had mentioned about the inseparability of the physical aspects of life from the emotional, mental and spiritual aspects.
But how?
Having hope, courage, focus, strong sense of purpose in life - compassion, loving kindness, generousity, wisdom and all positive traits help?? And I know.. these have to be practiced with continued due diligence.
The more demanding the goals, the more expansive a state of enriched life I can learn to appreciate right? No? After all, these should help me to eventually nurture some level of unassailable inner strength. And physical health alone is really not the determining factor for personal happiness. Rather, the challenge of relooking and managing illness should be seen as a self practice to encourage and inspire hope in me? and maybe in.... others as well because by doing so, it may perhaps help provide some form of relief with understanding to others?
Buddha said that death is as much a part of human life as illness and aging and it provides an opportunity for others to contemplate and practice.
Hmm... new philosophy or attitude for me - modern and complementary medicine plus practice of mind and good...... are mutually compatible and complementary....
Let me think again... and rethink....
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