Looking at mum's frail and almost lifeless body, I feel nothing but immense pain coursing through my heart and numbing my brain.. Tears are controlled so as not to stress her further.
Trying level best to let go and be prepared for her new journey, if it happens, turns out to be a daily battle. I love her to bits but her debilitating health has taken its toll on her mental and emotional well being as well as her care givers.
I feel tons of guilt whenever I feel that perhaps it is better for her to move on to another realm with GOM. I feel tons of guilt whenever I am not with her when she is in pain. I feel tons of guilt whenever I am so tired and I just want to rest a little. I feel tons of guilt when I see the way Alice takes care of mum and I seem to be so helpless. I feel tons of guilt whenever I don't know what to do with caring mum.
It is a huge struggle for me and I am still having trouble managing it.
If only I have the wisdom and mindful strength to do what needs to be done. If only...
