Seven Weeks In Memory - The Celebration Of Life...............

The early morning sun and clear skies warmed the streets and buildings at Man Fatt Lam Monastery. It was almost quiet other than our busy preparation for mum's 49th day prayer ceremony.

This ceremony was to honour mum, to offer light and good thoughts, as well as the Dhamma truth for mum to move on to a good and happy after life and rebirth. But in retrospect, these rites during the 49 days also have good effect on the living somewhat. To a certain extent, the rites are not just being conducted for our departed loved one but they allow us to grieve and heal along the way as well.

49 days has passed by swiftly.
There is a long way ahead of us.
Continuing to be despair and mourn her relentlessly without being mindful is not right.
Celebrating life is probably our best way to live in mum's memory.

Mum in her own simple way had celebrated life, especially after dad's passing.
The Lord Buddha and Goddess of Mercy had brought comfort and peace to her weary and sorrow-laden mind. They showed her that there was light in her darkest moments. They gave her the courage to move on and lived a life of truth with much gratitude and appreciative joy.

For sure, we have witnessed her strengthened and focused faith in leading a beautiful and positively fruitful life that had benefited those who came by her way - be it any living soul or sentient being , any kind of plants and flowers, or any kind of animals.

The Triple Gem's Truth.
The Buddha's Ultimate Reality.
Has freed mum from her all of her sufferings - when she was alive, during her last moments and after her passing.

We love and trust mum. Immensely.
She was the heart of our souls.
She will remain very much so.
Because...
Through her, we have a life.
Through her, we learn to respect life.
Through her, we have security, laughter, peace and much love.
Through her, we have learned to give, be grateful and appreciative.
Through her, we have learned to live with the right values and perspectives.
Through her, we have access to the precious gem of Lord Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha.
Through her, we are blessed.

Trust in the Truth.
Take comfort that mum is well and happy.
Take firm steps to live and practice the Right Way.
Be joyful in having this precious chance.
To celebrate life the way mum had.
Therefore, rejoice onward!

Six Weeks In Memory.................

Mum's sixth week of passing falls on 闰五月初一.
In remembrance of her, I sent good thoughts and wishes through the chanting of the set of suttas that mum used to chant.
It wasn't a smooth chant because of unfamiliarity but it was comforting.

While chanting, this very friendly lady went around in her quiet joy to place a small piece of traditional cookie on the plate of every soul in 中阴殿. Then she respectfully offered every one with a joss stick. She said,"我妈生前喜欢与人结缘，让我们大家也结个善缘."

She seemed at peace.
She remembered her mum in her own way.
A positive way.

一个人，当此时，能放下，便能自在。
就是如此，当能放下，当能自在。

Mum
On this earth, you have lived beautifully and selflessly with right faith, energy, thoughts, speech, and actions.
You are fine.
You are continuing with the needful.
In a different realm.
I am beginning to feel glad.
This moment.
I am beginning to let go of this negative attachment mode.
This moment.
I feel lighter.
This moment.
I am picking up the right thoughts, right energy, right speech and actions.
This moment.
The momentum will continue.
I know.
At each and many more moments.
Moving forward.

Five Weeks In Memory.....

I like this picture.

It was taken at home on the first day of Chinese New Year in 2008.

It was a beautiful day of sunshine and the picture speaks of love and joy.

Memories of mum is always about Love, Joy and Peace.

Today, we are remembering mum after her 35th day of passing. Strangely, it reminds me of her last moments in her room. It is a simply decorated room but it is a peaceful place that offers love, warmth and comfort. It is a place where we share our many conversations, little hugs and loving kisses.

We were all with her during her last moments - touching her, talking to her, encouraging her, comforting her, loving her, and chanting to her.

Eventually, her face relaxed and broke into a beautiful and peaceful smile.

We cleansed mum very gently with water fragranced with fresh jasmine and lime leaves. Her still form, surrounded by the jasmine flowers and the gentle chanting of Amibitha, exuded calmess.

I experienced a new perception - the room seemed to have cleared and a very soft hue of light seemed to have brightened up every corner. It could be the emotion of situation but I know, mum is resting in peace in this realm and peaceful in the next realm, practicing and also being blessed by the Triple Gem.

I miss you so much Mum
But
Today
Tomorrow
Everyday onwards
I know...
You are in Good Hands..
And do not worry
We are fine
And we are practicing the Path
Soon
The right time
The right place
We will connect
For sure

Death

Today, it dawns on me that every single moment, birth and death are happening at an ongoing process.

While I am paying respect to mum, I realise that every other family is also doing the same, experiencing the pain of loss. And when I look around me, there are also new born, babies, toddlers and people of every possible age.

Everyone is growing and dying at the same time.

But each breathe that goes in does not necessarily correspond with an equivalent outgoing breathe.

Mum breathed her last breathe just in a split moment - a wisp of it went in and it stopped. Suddenly. Just like that. Stopped. Silence.

Mum has completed her needs and deeds on earth. She has moved on.

This can and will happen to me, and any of the living sentient beings, now or any moment.

Death is not an end, for it marks the beginning of a new journey.

And Birth is not the beginning, for it marks a part of the natural process of old age, sickness and death.

An endless cycle.
In Samsara.

Being conscious of death.
This is a start.
A good start.

Mum's Wishes

Mum has very simple wishes - it's always about us being well and happy and those whom she knows or do not know being well and happy too.

Mum's parting wishes remain steadfast, that is,

• her kids and family stay healthy, cohesive, well and happy
• her belief in the Triple Gem be understood, continued and propagated
• her legacy of compassionate and generous acts for the joy and good of people within the community be accepted and extended by her kids naturally

They are that simple. And today, these are my wishes as well.

I am grateful to mum for teaching me the joy of loving and the pain of losing - all natural processes in our lives.

I've learned that losing someone I love so dearly can remind me not only how fragile and temporary life is, but also how important it is to appreciate what I do have NOW: life, health, family, friends and loved ones.

This moment, I am learning slowly, the difficult process of healing through loss. It is full of progressions and regressions, sudden dramatic leaps and then depressing backslides.. It's just roller coaster.

Tough as it may be, I still hope that this process can eventually give me greater emotional strength and self reliance, and a greater awareness of what really matters in life.

Mum.....
Give me time to heal
to surround myself with wise people,
to learn from these wise people,
to practice and be mindful..

Simply, allow me to work towards fulfilling your first wish.... and mine.

For a start...

“Certain indeed is death for the born and certain is birth for the dead; therefore over the inevitable you shall not grieve.”
—Bhagavad-Gita

Lord Buddha explained, “You must know, dear one, that change is inevitable as it is going on even in the present and has been in the past and will be in the future. Therefore birth and death are natural events about which one should not feel much concern.”

Metta Sutta

Sutta Nipata I.8

The Buddha's Words on Loving-Kindness
(With Sincere Dedication to Mum)

This is what should be done
By one who is skilled in goodness,
And who seeks the path of peace:
Let them be able and upright,
Straightforward and gentle in speech.
Humble and not conceited,
Contented and easily satisfied.
Unburdened with duties and frugal in their ways.
Peaceful and calm, and wise and skillful,
Not proud and demanding in nature.

Let them not do the slightest thing
That the wise would later reprove.
Wishing: In gladness and in safety,
May all beings be at ease.
Whatever living beings there may be;
Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none,
The great or the mighty, medium, short or small,
The seen and the unseen,
Those living near and far away,
Those born and to-be-born,
May all beings be at ease!

Let none deceive another,
Or despise any being in any state.
Let none through anger or ill-will
Wish harm upon another.
Even as a mother protects with her life
Her child, her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings:
Radiating kindness over the entire world
Spreading upwards to the skies,
And downwards to the depths;
Outwards and unbounded,
Freed from hatred and ill-will.
Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down
Free from drowsiness,
One should sustain this recollection.
This is said to be the sublime abiding.
By not holding to fixed views,
The pure-hearted one, having clarity of vision,
Being freed from all sense desires,
Is not born again into this world.



Translation by the Sangha of Amaravati

Four Weeks In Memory...

Visiting mum at the temple has become a daily ritual. The little chat and some words of endearment never fail to bring gentle comfort. Yet, the void that she has left behind remains strong.

Miss her voice, her loving words, her hearty laughter, her hugs and little kisses...

It's going to take time

Mum...

May you be well and happy
May you be free from physical and mental sufferings
May you be free from animosity
May you be safe and protected
May you be guided and blessed by the Triple Gem at all times
May you achieve the bliss of Nibbana soon

Love You Mummy.

Three Weeks In Memory.........

It has been 21 days since mum left us.
The reality remains so surreal.

I remember both Wei Yih and I sang this song at our wedding dinner, dedicating it to our mums for grooming us into what we are today. Their devotion and wise words never cease to inspire and bring value to our lives.

Today, the song is especially poignant.
This is a classic and no other songs can strike such an emotive cord the way it does.

So is our beloved mum.
She is a true unique classic person and in our eyes, no others can rival her amazing love, generosity and wisdom.

Missing her is really, an understatement........