About Mum..

I am drawn to Lee Wei Ling's article in ST today - " Difficult to accept a loved one's suffering - feeling compassion with a detachment is wise, but tough when it comes to mama".

It is not one that is filled with an emotionally charged content but its simplicity and straight forward sharing reveals a daughter and family's love and pain when seeing a loved one endless suffering.

My heart tugs when reading this for it brings back memories of mum and our times with her, especially those care giving days. Both sister and I were well aware of mum's suffering and herstep by step deterioration and we tried to be equipped with knowledge, skills and alternative therapists to give her the best possible care so as to give her some level of quality life and sense of well being.

Alas, despite all of these, many a times we stood by her helplessly while seeing her wriggling in pain and crying for some form of release.. even death.

Many a times, we struggled endlessly for her early release to a better realm and yet held strongly to our attachment for her, wishing for her to stay with us for another day.

Many a times, we thought we were ready for mum's departure but when it really happened, we were devastated and the void she left behind was huge. One is NEVER really ready for a very dear and loved one's departure..at least this holds so true for me.

Today after more than a year, I miss her still and I guess, I will continue to miss her till I close my eyes one day. She is so much a part of me and my life. Sometimes, the missing is so great and sore that I cry for her so... but increasingly I learn to let that happen in that instance but not to indulge needlessly in this.

For mum would not want me to be like this - she wants me to be healthy, happy and live a full and fruitful life.

I am a practicing lay Buddhist and guided by the practicing principles.

For these two simple and good reasons, I am good to move on.

Perth

Have been here for the last 3 days with Wei Yih and we managed to plough the streets quite a fair bit including all the way to Fremantle, Serpentine and Mandurah.

Fremantle on the coast provided some carnival sort of atmosphere where street performers engaged the audience just outside the markets and people just strolled in the markets enjoying the various offering of food, groceries, skin care and more. The cafe and eateries strip is swamped with people savouring all kinds of cuisines.

Mandurah is a small town that offers sun, sea and water sports. The sailing museum, dolphin marina, restaurants and markets by the beach offer a different kind of relaxation.

Serpertine is the place where Bodhinyana Buddhist Monastery resides. Both Wei Yih and I were blessed to be able to offer dana to Ajahn Brahm and his sangha and received blessings before lunch. The temple ground exudes tranquility with lush greens and quiet lake. The meditation in the shrine hall was peaceful. The positive energy that I felt and garnered was comforting and invigorating to a certain extent. Is this the place for my practice? Perhaps. Taking that first step to participate is more critical than thinking. More on this bit for sure.

And after a lapse of more than 10 years, Perth itself does not seem to have changed much - the pace is still pretty much slow and strangely, people are still pretty much absent from the streets. Do they have a relaxing life outside the city centre or do they simply disappear into their little haven whenever possible?

Quite amazing but after another day, we are heading home. Home is where we feel most comfortable and cosy after all.