Is A Home Haven?

This morning while having breakfast with WY at Bedok market, a boy strutted towards us with a stack of publications. He claimed to be helping out family by selling papers at a dollar per piece. While I was quite impressed by his readiness to help his mum, his defensive, impatient tone and hard figure took me by surprise. And he is a mere 10 year old boy.

Probably poverty or lack of security made his mum decided that this was the best option. But his total lack of childlike innocence and ready smiles plus his stoic stance seemed to indicate a home where bonding, love and guidance within a family is a rarity.

Isn't it natural for all to assume and take for granted that a home is a safe, nurturing haven?

But I guess sociodemographic background variables such as gender, occupation of the parents, living arrangements, home intactness of his family, family income, family size, age and the marital relationship between the parents are in one way or another intertwined to impact the children's behaviour, growth and outlook.

We have seen in papers the increased concerns by the authorities such as the police and the general public on the increasing seriousness of adolescent crime and conduct problems. While there is greater emphasis on educating the young to prevent them from going astray, but it takes so much more between the family and educators to cover the grounds to help groom an upright person with good values and attributes.

Unfortunately, you and I see this ideal falling short of expectations - because the elements at play including the parents are really in a less than ideal state themselves.

Lets make it simple, take a step back and simply look inward within the nuclesus family for a start - the way parents indulge children to instill and fuel that sense of instantaneous gratification... the kind of bonding parents have with their children... the values shared...

Wouldn't our behaviour patterns and thoughts, good or bad, have been appeared to be developed and maintained within the family environment as early as our todlers stage? And for sure, these are likely to remain stable and become strong predictor of social behaviour in our growing up years as teenagers and into adulthood?

The is a complex thing. Many a times my siblings play up my ignorance simply because I am childless. But seriously, does one need to have a child to look at such things? Cant we use an objective mind, our available life knowledge and expertise to rationalise the situation appropriately for some form of viable resolution?

If one follows one style of nurturing a family and it has failed to live up to expectation, does it make sense to revisit, rethink and rework on alternatives?

It is human element that we are talking about not machines or processes. Does this make it even more important to be open, flexible yet encompassing?

I can only say that positive and strong parental support is likely to nurture positively strong relationships between parents and children. Inconsistent parental discipline such as disparate practices over time, failure to monitor, the use of erratic punishment and reward as well as different styles between both parents may likely suggest a result of conduct problems.

Now how do I really know this since I am childless? And why not seriously? My family has this issue to start with. And not just one but but more than two cases.

I rest my case.